


Steps of Redemption

by tamsibling



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Family Drama, Fix-It, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-10-19
Packaged: 2021-03-06 01:55:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 25,709
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25945444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tamsibling/pseuds/tamsibling
Summary: TROS Fix-It. Reylo-centric. Begins immediately following Starkiller at the end of The Force Awakens and moves through and beyond the end of The Rise of Skywalker. What are the steps to redemption for Ben Solo? How does his journey begin and who helps him along the way? And what exactly happens after the Battle of Exegol when he and Rey are face to face? (Ben Solo LIVES!)
Relationships: Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 12
Kudos: 22





	1. D'Qar

**Steps to Redemption**

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

**Chapter 1 – D’Qar**

“I should stay.”

Leia felt the hint of a smile trying valiantly to make its way onto her lips. It was the first time she’d felt like smiling since that devastating moment 12 hours ago. When her life had changed in a heartbeat; when her husband had been lost; and her son might now be lost to her forever.

Taking a deep breath, she turned and craned her neck, meeting the Wookiee’s blue-eyed gaze. “No, you shouldn’t. I need you to stay with Rey. I need you to get Luke.”

Chewie huffed out a breath, and took a seat across from her. Even seated he still towered above her, but it was easier to meet his eyes. “The girl is a good pilot. Even Han thought so.”

She inhaled sharply. With a nod, she said, “He told me as much. Before he left. I mean, he let her fly.”

With a soft chuckle, Chewie grinned. “Yeah, it was a surprise to me, too.”

Silence fell between them and it was brimming with too many things to say. Which is why most of them – platitudes, memories, regrets – would remain unspoken between them.

“I’ll be fine, Chewie. I have more than enough to keep me distracted here.”

They both surveyed the scene around them, a hive of disorganized chaos. Resistance members flitting to and fro, seemingly with a purpose, but it was difficult to tell. Everyone was on edge now. Since the Falcon had landed without General Solo and a gravely injured Finn, former First Order Stormtrooper. Since a shell-shocked young woman covered in blood and bruises and barely saying a word had drifted down the ramp like a ghost.

Rey moved throughout the base on silent feet, not even displacing a speck of dust as she weaved among them all. Leia had convinced her to get seen by the medic, had managed to rustle up some clothes that seemed to fit her aesthetic, and made sure she got a hot meal and a warm shower. But the child appeared even more haunted than before.

And now, in the hours she had between getting back and taking off once again with Chewie to Ahch-To, she had kept vigil at the stormtrooper’s side, wide, dry eyes drinking in his features as if afraid she would forget them.

“I shot him.”

Leia startled, surprised to hear Chewie’s voice speak so lowly, even more surprised by his words. Turning again to face him, her puzzled expression prompted him to elaborate. “Your boy, the pup – after he … after. I managed to hit him with my crossbow.”

Guilt and shame weighed heavy in Chewbacca’s gaze. Blinking back tears, Leia laid a small hand on his immense shoulder, watching as her fingers sank into his fur, still slightly damp from the shower he had afforded himself. Taking a step closer, she pitched her voice low and said, “A life debt would require nothing less.”

He frowned. “But when the pup was born, he was brought under my protection as well. I should never have allowed him to have gotten lost.” He took a deep breath and then said, “I failed him.”

Leia couldn’t help the tears that pooled in her eyes now. She feared they would fall, and then, convincing her late husband’s hirsute companion to leave with Rey would be even more difficult. But considering all that had happened over the last 12 hours, the last 12 years, she allowed herself the moment of weakness.

“No one failed Ben more than Han or I. No matter what, no matter when or where, you were always an ally to him. In truth, if we had listened to you a little more closely, things might have been different.” Taking a step closer, Leia added softly, “I know you love him and you always have. Even now. Because I still love him too. And I can’t stop.”

He broke away from her gaze and let out a mournful sigh. Leia could still remember Ben’s distressed cries at night, when nightmares woke him and he would find himself inconsolable. Eventually, the only person they could leave him with when Leia and Han had a function they needed to attend was Chewie. It seemed that the large Wookiee was the only one, aside from his parents, who could comfort Ben after one of these nightmares. Many nights, Leia and Han would return home to find their impromptu babysitter, snoring loudly in Ben’s bed with the small boy curled up in his lap, cheeks red and sticky with dried tears.

Chewie had brought up these nightmares to Han once. He had confided in Leia after the conversation, wondering if there was something they were missing as his best friend implied. “Maybe it’s more than just night terrors,” Chewie had suggested gently. He didn’t understand the Force, it was still considered a form of magic on Kashyyk, although a few Wookiees had successfully matriculated through the academy and become Jedi Masters.

But it made very little sense to him in the grand scheme of things. Fighting and flying were two things he could understand. He had no doubt of Luke’s abilities, he’d seen it first hand, and from the very beginning, but the intricacies were too much for him to spend time dwelling on.

However, when little Ben had screamed and cried in the night, begging for anyone to keep him safe, looking for somewhere he could hide away from the monster he was sure was invading his mind, Chewbacca had wondered if maybe the boy’s Force sensitivity, his family legacy, might be contributing more to these outbursts than any of them thought.

It had been a non-starter. As Ben grew and became angrier and moodier, he stopped asking any of them for help. He stopped obeying his parents, his teachers – he even challenged Chewie once. Of course, a quick thwap to the top of his head had landed the gangly pre-teen on his ass and that had been the last time he attempted to physically challenge Chewie.

It had also been the first and only time Chewie had ever hurt him. Until 12 hours ago.

“I need you to go with Rey. Take the Falcon, take R2 and get Luke’s sorry, gray-haired butt back here. It’s time for him to stop hiding.” Leia spoke with a fire in her tone that Chewie knew, but hadn’t heard for some time. In truth, it made him feel a little better. He knew she would survive this. Leia Organa Solo, one-time princess, former Senator of the New Republic and now Resistance General would not be destroyed by this. No matter how great her grief or how deep her pain, she would simply take a deep breath, and do the next right thing. And then the next.

Chewie rose and pulled Leia into a hug. She held him as tightly as her small arms would allow, and she was the first to pull away.

“And if Luke gives you any trouble, don’t hesitate to throw him over your shoulder and drag him back here. Tell him his sister said it was time to come home.”

Chuckling softly, Chewie gave Leia a nod.

“I’ll see you and Rey off at the Falcon, once you’re ready to go.”

With that she turned and reentered the fray, blending in with the pilots and analysts and soldiers and mechanics who buzzed around her. Leia knew that fall-out from Han’s death – and Ben’s part in it – would require more of her in the coming days and weeks. She had mourned the loss of Han so often throughout their 40 years together; after heated arguments and weeks of separation when Leia truly began to wonder if he would ever return to her. Their marriage had many problems, not least of which was that Han had no desire to live anywhere that required a permanent address and Leia’s work required it. She knew he felt trapped, first on Coruscant, then on Hosnia Prime. Even their family oasis on Chandrila wasn’t freedom enough for Han to breathe. He only truly felt at home on the Falcon.

She had thought, for a time, that he just couldn’t find satisfaction without a fight. He had been fighting one enemy after another since childhood; of course, settling down in an era of peace would be disconcerting for him. But Leia had soon figured, not long after Ben was born, that her husband didn’t need a fight. In truth, the violence and danger had never interested him.

No, he didn’t need to fight. But he needed to fly. Pausing for a moment, Leia wondered if he was somewhere now where he could fly whenever he wanted. No guilt, no recriminations, no worry about who he might be hurting, who he might be letting down. She truly hoped so. It was why she had started to let him go with no harsh words or fuss. Especially after Ben went to stay with Luke and train. She had no desire for Han to be unhappy. She had just hoped that he might be able to find happiness with her.

Shaking her head once, Leia forced these thoughts from the forefront of her mind. She didn’t have time for this line of thinking. Would she ever? Time would tell, but Leia feared there was a reckoning coming. And she only hoped to the Force she would have the strength to meet it.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

  



	2. In orbit, near Crait

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Leia relives that terrible moment through the eyes of her son and then gets just a glimpse of the boy she used to know. Perhaps he can be saved.

**Chapter 2 – In orbit, near Crait**

_“Ben!”_

_He turned wearing that horrible mask, a hulking, six-foot-three giant dressed all in black. He looked too much like the grandfather he’d never met. Too much like the menace he was so desperate to be._

_It was torture to watch it play out again. In the past few weeks, Leia had been subjected to this dream – this nightmare – far more than she wanted. She wasn’t sure how this memory could be so clear to her. The first few times it had happened, she was convinced it was just a hellscape her imagination had invented in order to put meaning to that fateful moment._

_But the more time she spent, watching Han call out to their son, watching as their son turned, dropped his mask and asked his father for help with tears in his eyes. Watched as the red blade of his saber shot through Han’s gut, watched as Han took the last second of his life to gently cup Ben’s cheek, to bestow upon him even just a modicum of forgiveness – Leia had come to the realization that this was not a twisted rendering her mind had made, but was actually a memory she was sharing with someone else._

_And based on the perspective and that the dream always ended with a bowcaster blast to her gut, she knew it was her son’s memory she was sharing._

The blast jolted her awake as it always did. Gulping for air, she sat up in bed, a hand to her heart as she tried to regain her bearings. The ship’s medic was a crotchety old worrywart and if Leia didn’t get her racing heartbeat under control soon, there’d be a med droid at her door in a moment, asking if she was all right. Demanding to take her pulse and her blood pressure and tsking its disapproval in the way that only a droid could. Leia swore the creature had been taking lessons from Threepio.

Leaning back against her pillows, Leia closed her eyes and did her best to enter a meditative state. In her truncated lessons with Luke, it was the one thing she was exceptionally bad at.

“I don’t have time to sit around and think about nothing.” She had told him, huffing with frustration as she had again failed to find enlightenment. “I’m a senator, a wife and a mother to a small boy with Force abilities who just figured out how to levitate the cookies off the top shelf of the pantry. What makes you think I have any time to clear my mind?”

Luke had never answered these rhetorical questions – for his own safety and because he knew his sister was more than aware of why meditation was important. But patience was not a Skywalker trait. It wasn’t much of a Solo trait either they would come to find out.

She took another deep breath and then opened her mind, seeing if she could once again find the thin, golden thread that had always connected her to her son. She remembered the day it had disappeared, just hours before she’d gotten a panicked call from Luke and her world had shattered.

Leia had searched endlessly, valiantly trying to reestablish that fragile connection with her son time and again over the past 10 years. For so long it had been non-existent, just a frayed bit of thread that connected to nothing.

But lately, in the past two weeks or so, she could swear that it was slowly growing stronger, brighter. The frayed edges were smoother now, and there were moments when Leia believed she could almost follow that golden line all the way to her son’s psyche as she had when he was a boy.

They had always had a special bond. Han grumped that it was because of the Force, but Leia believed it was because she was his mother. The bond between a mother and son was something special, to be sure. She was his first protector, his first provider, the first one to love him unconditionally.

She was also the first to betray him.

With a heavy sigh, Leia forced her eyes open and sat up, swinging her feet to the floor. There was no way she would find sleep again tonight.

Just as she slipped her feet into her shoes, and took one last look at her braids in the mirror, a jolt went through her body. Spinning, she quickly looked about the room, wondering what had just hit her. But there was nothing – she was alone. Taking a moment to look inward, Leia breathed deep and felt it for just a split second – the tiniest bit of uncertainty, a momentary flutter of vulnerability. A split second of the Ben she remembered. And then it was gone and the ship’s klaxons began blaring and Leia, the mother, once again became Leia, the general.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

They weren’t going to win this fight. It was obvious that the First Order, and Snoke, had the Resistance exactly where he wanted. Disadvantaged, discouraged, and dismally certain their movement would not see another day.

As Leia stared hard at the read-outs in front of her, she saw the blips on the screen screaming toward her location. They were outmanned, no matter how fancy Poe thought he could fly.

And then she felt it – a tug this time, not the shocking jolt of a few hours ago. Opening her mind, Leia could clearly see the golden thread that connected her to her son, clean and bright and pulled taut. With bated breath, her mind raced along the connection, praying she could make it before her boy realized he had left himself vulnerable and shut her out once more.

It was almost too easy. Leia was one moment on the bridge and the next staring at the outside of her ship, seeing the beaten and scorched hull from the perspective of one of her attackers. She had suspected Ben was out there; few things had ever brought him joy like flying. Too much like his father, she supposed.

She could feel the conflict in his mind as he froze, his hands barely hovering over the controls as his mind reacted to her presence. Leia held her breath; he knew she was there. She braced herself on the console before her, waiting for the violent push he would exert to get her out of his brain.

But it didn’t come. She took a moment to question, barely even exerting a modicum of effort to ask silently, _Ben?_

There was nothing but the sound of her heartbeat. One beat, two beats, three beats … and then, barely above a whisper, _Mom?_

The flood of relief she felt in that moment almost brought her to her knees. And then, just as quickly it was gone, he was gone and she heard the screaming sound of a TIE fighter, his TIE fighter rip by the viewport, close enough to rattle the transparisteel.

She tracked the ship, consumed with thoughts of how to get him back. Leia was certain now it could be done. If she only had time, she knew she could bring Ben home once more. And then the ground shook beneath her feet, the world exploded around her and Leia found herself sucked into the vacuum of space.


	3. Ajan Kloss

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Leia hangs between life and death, does she have enough strength left to reach her son one final time?

**Chapter 3 – Ajan Kloss**

Leia was suspended, between this world and the next and she knew it wouldn’t be long before her body gave up and pushed her through, making her one with the Force. While her spirit was still stronger than ever, her body and her heart had suffered too many losses, had faced too many deaths, had watched too many horrors. But there was one thing she could still do while she lingered here.

“ _This isn’t going to go the way you think.”_

She turned toward the sound of the voice and found her brother there, staring at her with that know-it-all smirk he so often employed. Leia was fairly certain he hadn’t a clue how to cock his eyebrow that way until he met Han.

Leia shrugged. “ _It will go the way it’s supposed to.”_

“ _I had hoped that Crait would help him,”_ Luke whispered, eyes cast to the floor.

She couldn’t suppress the eye roll. “ _You thought calling him out and embarrassing him in front of his men was going to help him?”_

“ _I thought he was ready to make the leap. For Rey.”_

Leia let out a breath. Rey. That child had been a blessing to her and her family since they’d met. She was strong in the Force for sure and unbelievably talented, but it wasn’t her skill that gave her strength; It was her heart. A heart that never should have survived all she’d been through and where she’d come from, but had somehow managed to remain pure and open in spite of her upbringing.

“ _He won’t be ready until he decides he is_ ,” she said softly. Already, she could feel the tug of Ben’s soul through their shared bond. Ever since the bridge had exploded, the tenuous thread that connected them together had remained. Still faint, barely glowing, but it was there. For whatever reason, Ben had not shut her out fully since. At times, Leia wondered if it was even intentional. Maybe Ben simply couldn’t be bothered to worry about such trivialities – he had a galaxy to overtake after all. But there were moments, small and fleeting that led Leia to believe he knew she was still there and he didn’t hate it.

Her surroundings faded and Leia turned to watch her son and his equal battle it out on the slippery metal surface of the second Death Star. Leia watched as if through a tunnel, her gaze pinpointed to Ben, watching his face contort with fury and anger and pain. And longing. He kept advancing on Rey, kept attacking, even as her ferocity ratcheted up at each opportunity, but Leia could tell his heart wasn’t in this fight. Based on all that Rey had shared with her, she didn’t believe the girl was truly invested either. Rey didn’t want to kill Ben, she knew that. But the girl could not reconcile the pull she felt to such a monster with the little boy Leia had raised who still lived underneath his dark façade.

Leia gasped, feeling a tug from the physical world that told her body she would not last much longer. Breathing was become harder now and Leia sunk to her knees, still watching the two of them duel. _Ben_ , she called, sending her voice along the thread that connected them, willing the bond to work one final time. _Ben. Come home_.

She took another shallow breath and watched them both. Ben paused before Rey, but Leia could tell they both felt her fading presence in the Force. _Ben_ , she gasped out. _I love you_.

Leia’s eyes remained closed. In the physical world, the soft rise and fall of her chest stopped completely and it took a moment for the droid by her side, one of her truest companions to finally realize it was over.

But Leia knew, as she felt the Force flow around her and through her, that nothing was truly ever over. It was just the beginning of something new.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit of a shorter chapter. I promise to post a new chapter before the weekend! That's where all the Reylo goodness starts. Thanks for reading!


	4. Kef Bir

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now that Leia's gone, Ben and Rey must face each other with the knowledge that they may be the only hope left in the galaxy. Will they work together? Or will everything they've experienced drive them apart? And another Force ghost makes an appearance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Finally some Ben. Not quite to Reylo yet, but it's coming, I promise!

**Chapter 4 – Kef Bir**

_Ben._

He turned, expecting to see her just over his shoulder, inexplicably standing amidst the biting spray of Kef Bir’s ocean, somehow keeping her balance on the slick surface that was coated with years of algae and leaking solvents. He didn’t know how she’d manage, all 5-foot-2 of her, to stay steady in this unrelenting wind and rain, but he also knew that, somehow, she would.

She wasn’t there. Her voice was as clear to him as the sound of Rey’s saber, hissing and spitting as she waited for him to attack again. But why? What exactly was he fighting for? The chance to become another puppet to an even more depraved master? Or, Gods, the same one? If Snoke and Palpatine were really the same then how long had they been the masters of his fate? The architects of his destiny that now seemed like a cruel joke. Sheev Palpatine had been manipulating his family for over eighty years, and now what? Ben was just going to let him continue.

He felt her light dimming. He felt his mother fading fast, no longer able to hold on under the torrent of his relentless betrayal – her own son, the murderer of her husband, the hulking shadow that dogged every move the Resistance made. The brooding knight that was too evil to come home and too weak to kill her. The dark side stalker obsessed with following an innocent girl from a backwater planet across the galaxy, through their sacred bond, and now onto the slick surface of the Emperor’s last failure. A death star that had fallen from the sky because of a shot from his father’s infernal ship.

Rey chose this moment of his distraction to attack. She was furious, and beautiful – stunning in her rage as she advanced on him again, wielding his grandfather’s lightsaber as if it was an extension of herself. Her power, her skill, her unmatched abilities had stunned him from the moment they’d met. But she had morphed into something else over these past few months, something more than an orphan girl from a desert planet who longed for family.

As he parried another blow and spun to his right, ducking, weaving, and countering her latest swing, he saw a flash of her fatigue, of her fear. She’d seen something in that throne room, something that haunted her even now. And while she was no doubt in a fight for her life, for what she believed to be a fight for her soul, he knew she still longed to understand. To truly understand herself.

He got careless, sloppy. As she drove her saber into his abdomen, just below his ribs, lacerating a piece of his stomach and small intestine, making it all the way back to his kidney, causing internal bleeding that would kill him in minutes, he figured this was a fitting end. He was no longer Kylo Ren; his father’s death, his mother’s plea, Rey’s cold silence, each of these events had chipped away at the façade he had created in order to survive Snoke/Palpatine. They had penetrated the wall he’d built around his heart after his uncle’s rejection. He had hoped that Luke would help him; that unlike his father who was afraid and his mother who was haunted by her lineage, that Luke – the great Jedi Master who had defeated an Empire – would be able to see past the insidious cloud that had wormed its way into his mind. That had found his self-doubt and teenage rebellion and fed on them like a parasite feeds on its host.

And now finally, he was finished. Maybe this was a mercy. He knew Rey had the power to defeat Palpatine. But in this moment, his final moment, he wasn’t all that worried about the fate of the galaxy. Instead, he found himself staring up into the pale, guileless face of Rey from Nowhere as she bit back tears, horrified by what she’d done.

Ben hoped his death wouldn’t kill her too. They still hadn’t quite been able to crack the code surrounding the dyad. They were bonded, there was no doubt, but how far it went, how thick the cord was that bound them together they had yet to understand. It was one more thing Ben found to regret as he heaved a breath that caused his insides to alight with fire. Everything hurt. But soon nothing would.

He wished for a brief moment he might get the chance to see his mother now. Might find a way in the afterlife to apologize for all he’d done to destroy her. He didn’t deserve the chance, but he hoped for it nonetheless. Another weak wish from a weak boy who had failed once again.

Ben watched as Rey knelt beside him, her trembling hand reaching towards his wound. He wanted to back away. Hadn’t she hurt him enough? He couldn’t imagine the pain he’d feel once she pressed on the gaping wound. But maybe it would speed up the process and he could finally be done.

He watched as she closed her eyes, watched as her palm, somehow warm despite the conditions, covered the death blow she’d dealt him. He inhaled a sharp breath – waited for more pain …

… and then felt a pulse of light, a flood of warmth flowing from her body, down her arm, through her fingers and into him. He could barely believe it even as his own connection to her filled in the gaps – he saw muscle knit itself back together, could feel the pain ebb away, found himself taking a deep breath that no longer hurt as she continued to channel her life force into him.

Their bond sang with completion as the two of them joined. For a moment, he couldn’t feel the wind or the rain, he didn’t feel cold or sore, he could almost see his mother smiling at him, a ghost of a smile he hadn’t seen since he was a boy.

And then Rey was done and she withdrew her hand, so fast he didn’t have time to grab it and hold on. Didn’t have time to thank her or rail at her. She had diminished herself to save him, and he knew that whatever fool thing she chose to do next, she would need all of her strength to see it through.

“I did want to take your hand.”

Ben felt a little bit of vindication at her admittance. He knew it.

“I wanted to take Ben’s hand.”

She was gone in the next moment, charging her away across the ruins of the Death Star and helping herself to his ship. It should have infuriated him. He needed to get off this hell hole somehow, but even as he watched her lift it into the sky, flying with an ease that would have made Han Solo proud, he couldn’t find it within himself to be angry anymore.

He couldn’t find it within himself to be anything anymore. Not Kylo Ren, barely Ben Solo, not a dark sider or a failed Jedi. Just a young man who had killed his father, failed his mother and just let the only person he believed he would ever truly love fly off to get herself killed.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

Ben was staring at the ocean, the waves were an angry symphony, a steady rhythm for his own internal litany of failure. He had tried to find Rey through the bond, but she had managed to shut him out again. The connection was still there, but he had no hope of finding a way into her mind, of figuring out how to reach her when she had so readily decided she wanted nothing to do with him.

_Hey kid._

He would have laughed if he’d had the energy. Of course, now, in his lowest moment, with his mother gone, his father would return, to remind him of all he had failed to do. To remind him of his greatest sin.

Turning, Ben saw his dad for who he really was in this moment – an aged hero who could still fly rings around any pilot in the galaxy and who had done his best to love his wife and his kid when he’d been alive. Who never realized that a layover on Tatooine would catapult him into a rebellion, into the crosshairs of a vengeful Sith lord and the arms of a defiant princess-turned-general who suffered no fools.

Who had found himself in his early forties with a son he didn’t understand and the real fear that his own lack of parental guidance would lead to him screwing up Ben so irrevocably that his own son and his wife would never forgive him. Who had trusted his second oldest friend in the galaxy – and brother-in-law – to care for his child, to guide him, because he never believed he was good enough to do it.

And then, in the final moment, when he had been face-to-face with a son he could barely recognize he hadn’t hesitated to make the ultimate sacrifice – and in the end, save his only son.

Not such a bad father after all.

_Go home._

Ben wanted to laugh at the thought. “She’s gone.” There was no home anymore, not since he’d fled the academy. But now, with his mother gone, there was truly nowhere for him to belong, nowhere left for him to go where he would be welcomed. Where anyone would be glad to see him.

_Your mother may be gone, but what she fought for, what she believed in, it’s still there._

Ben heard what his father didn’t say – Rey. Rey was still there. She might be the only true vestige left of his mother’s hope. Sure, there was the pilot and the traitor, the Wookiee who he had once considered family, but in truth, Rey was the only one left that meant anything. If she was gone, then all was truly lost.

It was a sad parody of over a year ago, when Ben turned to his father and said, “I know what I have to do, but I don’t know if I have the strength to do it.”

He expected a flash of recognition to cross Han’s face, maybe even a momentary spark of fear. But instead, it was that sardonic smirk, the half-tilt of his lips that used to drive Ben’s mother insane and always let Ben know that he and his dad were sharing a secret.

His saber was a dead weight in his hand. It had been a yoke around his waist, around his neck long enough. It was time to truly shed Kylo Ren’s persona, it was time to admit that he was no longer Kylo Ren. He wasn’t truly Ben Solo either, he was something else, something more or less, something different to be sure.

But he was definitely not a prince of darkness. He was no longer Snoke’s puppet or the First Order’s avenging angel. He heaved the weapon into the turbulent ocean not even caring to watch it sink. It would rest here with the Emperor’s other failure, the second Death Star. Ben would leave it behind and look to move forward.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*


	5. Somewhere between Ahch-To and Exegol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is on her way to Exegol and has more questions than answers. Having left Ben on Kef Bir, she tries, and fails, to forget about the former Supreme Leader and everything he makes her feel - good and bad.

**Chapter 5 – Somewhere between Ahch-To and Exegol**

Rey jolted awake in the X-wing’s cockpit, realizing that now was not the time to be asleep. While the Wayfinder was doing its work, she would still need all of her wits about her to successfully navigate Exegol’s atmosphere.

Shaking her head to rid herself of the last wisps of sleep, she sat up straighter and again gripped the controls, trying to ignore the squelch that sounded under her seat. She had done her best to rid the once drowned X-wing of the algae and aquatic creatures that had made it their home in the years it had been sunk on Ahch-To, but time wasn’t a luxury, and it had seemed silly to worry about a little seaweed when the entire galaxy’s fate rested in her hands.

Taking a deep breath, Rey stretched out with the Force, trying her best to sync her mind with the Wayfinder and its prescribed path. In a rush though she felt him, across the galaxy, looking for something, frantic in his search for it. She sucked in a breath, unprepared for the feel of Ben’s mind brushing against her own. Since she had left him on Kef Bir she had done her best to not think about him. To not think about how she had left him there cold and wet on the ruins of the death star with no ship.

She felt a bit of relief that he was alive, that he had found a way to get off the planet. What he planned to do next, she had no idea. While her curiosity felt like a scratch she needed to itch, Rey did her best to ignore it. Opening herself to Ben now would only lead to more confusion and anger and doubt.

With a hitched breath, she felt the moment Ben realized she was there and she withdrew in an instant, trying to ignore the small tendril of warmth that had snaked its way across their bond. It felt like a bloom of something calm against her raging mind and for a moment Rey felt as if she could breathe.

She took a moment, closed her eyes and allowed herself to breathe deep, expanding her lungs, ignoring the aches and pains of her rib cage, the bruises from her battle with Ben. And that was when _he_ found her.

_Once you arrive on Exegol, you will take your rightful place upon the throne._

His disembodied voice chased away the warmth in a nanosecond and Rey fought back a shiver. Wrapping her arms around herself, she shut down her mind once more, made herself the smallest speck she could manage, barely a blip in the Force and she felt Palpatine’s presence retreat. Whether it was truly her own doing or his choice she couldn’t be sure.

Gods how she wanted to sleep, needed to sleep. She had been running on adrenaline for so long her muscles were starting to shake in its absence. And now that she was relatively still, everything felt magnified, every moment, every close call, every loss, including …

Leia.

She had felt her presence disappear as surely has Ben had while they battled atop the wreckage. Just as he had stopped to acknowledge his mother’s passing, the feeling had brought Rey up short as well. For the past year, Leia had been her only touchstone amidst the chaos. Her mentor and master, her friend and even surrogate parent at times, Leia had meant more to Rey than she had ever been willing to admit. People leave, and she knew eventually she would lose Leia as well. Just as she’d lost Han and Luke, and even Finn and Chewie to an extent. Just as she had lost her connection to Ben.

Rey knew something else had transpired between Ben and his mother during that moment just before her death, but instead of giving the moment the reverence it deserved, she had used Ben’s distraction against him. She had kept fighting, her anger at him, her fear at what she might be, at what she might become clouding all judgement. It was hard to say who had been more surprised when her blade struck true and skewered him. She had felt the jolt of shock from Ben to be sure, but her mind and body had immediately recoiled, ashamed at what she had done.

Sighing, Rey leaned her head back against the seat, watching the storm clouds above her head. The lightning jumped from cloud to cloud, energy that couldn’t be contained looking for a way out. Looking for an escape.

She had thought that killing Ben would bring relief, but in the split second after she’d landed that fatal blow she knew she had to save him. Their story was not meant to end this way. He was not meant to die as Kylo Ren. They were not meant to be enemies, not really. Yes, he had terrorized her and the Resistance, hunting her across the galaxy, looking for any sign of weakness to turn against her, hoping to scare her enough that she would give in. Hoping to show her how powerful she could be, like he had pushed for on Pasana.

But Rey had grown to understand Kylo Ren/Ben Solo a bit in the past year while their bond held. Even when she kept the bond closed tight, things seeped through – images, feelings, moments of grief, of pain, of despair. Both from her side and from him. It was fairly soon after Crait that she had realized something about Ben that had changed her entire world view – they were the same, she and Ben. Both looking for family and belonging, both so lonely and afraid and hurt from the people in their lives they had trusted most. And while Ben used the guise of turning her to the dark side as his ultimate motive, Rey believed something else. She truly believed that what Ben wanted was to be understood. To no longer be alone. To be forgiven and loved in spite of what he’d done, in spite of who he was.

Rey believed that, with every fiber of her being. It was difficult to hold onto that notion when she saw Kylo mercilessly slaughter a village or heard another story of the Knights of Ren dispatched across the galaxy to wreak havoc, but she knew it was true. What made her and Ben a true dyad in the Force was their need for one another. Their need to no longer be alone.

That’s why she admitted to him what she had not even admitted to herself. That she did want to take his hand in Snoke’s throne room. She had been so close. But he had still wanted to hold on to the dark then, he was still Kylo, heady with the knowledge that now that he had killed Snoke he might finally get the power and recognition he wanted. There wasn’t time to reason with him, not when the Resistance fleet was getting picked off one by one and Kylo was still tainted by the dark.

So, she had run, hoping that they would get another chance. That Ben would find his way back and that she could, when again offered the opportunity, take his hand and know that Ben Solo was with her, and that they both had fulfilled their destinies.

_I’m coming._

It was a whisper, so soft and fleeting Rey was sure she had imagined it. Maybe one of her gauges had malfunctioned, impeded by the lightning storm or a piece of coral embedded under the engine. Shaking her head once more, Rey forced herself to focus on flying. Forced herself to remember that the Resistance, the entire galaxy, was relying on her now to bring Palpatine down. Forced her to forget the look of longing on Ben’s face as she had left him on that flooded piece of wreckage.

Forced herself to ignore the fact that she swore it was Ben who had just spoken to her across their bond. Forced herself to ignore the ache in her heart that he might actually come for her.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*


	6. Exegol - Part I

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey finds herself in the fight of her life when she attempts to face and destroy her newfound grandfather. But she can't do it alone. What happens when Ben arrives and they instead face him together? Is their dyad strong enough?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all!
> 
> Thanks so much to those who are reading! I would really love some reviews or kudos - anything just to know you're enjoying it!
> 
> I wanted to quickly address the Exegol scene as I have written it. I decided early on when writing this story that I wasn't going to rewrite the fight scene with Palpatine word for word. Instead, I wanted to use the time to get inside Rey's and Ben's heads as they attempt to work together to defeat the Emperor.

**Chapter 6 – Exegol, Part I**

As an orphan stranded in the middle of a desert at the young age of five, Rey had avoided despair. It was the one emotion she couldn’t afford. Scavengers who spent too much time wallowing in their own self-pity, ruminating over their own hopelessness wound up dead. Dehydrated husks with crispy skin who wasted away in the heat of the Jakku sun.

But Palpatine was winning and he knew it. Rey was preternaturally gifted and full of confidence, but she was no match for an evil that had haunted the galaxy for more than a century.

The question was no longer survival. Instead, Rey now wondered if she could take Palpatine out in order to save everyone else. If she succumbed to his wish and somehow imbibed his spirit, could she, Rey, hang on long enough to destroy him?

She was already tired, her muscles strained, her body bruised, her mind fatigued. How much fight did she really have left?

_Rey!_

With all of her energy focused on Palpatine, the shields she had erected to keep Ben out were down, broken at her feet as she struggled to stay alive. She could feel him now, feel the desperation in his silent cry. _Where are you?_

Rey did her best to project an image of her surroundings, hoping it was enough for him to go on. She didn’t have enough concentration to hold the image for long. A wave of appreciation flooded her brain. _I’m on my way,_ was his confident response.

It should have buoyed her spirit, but Rey simply pushed the image of him from her mind. She had never relied on anyone to save her and she couldn’t start now. What was the point of her legacy if she wasn’t strong enough to defeat the wrinkled, sour creature before her?

Rey parried another of her grandfather’s lightning strikes, her teeth chattering as the reverberation went through her entire body into the soles of her feet.

The scene around her was absolute chaos and only growing worse. Chanting from the faceless mass around the arena continued, a low drone in the background, while her grandfather’s lightning crackled from his fingers, leaving behind a bluish corona that tinged everything the color of death.

She felt another twinge from Ben and again saw through his mind’s eye. He was surrounded by the Knights of Ren and quickly losing the battle. As a jedi, he needed a lightsaber, not a blaster. Ben paused for a split second, holding Rey’s gaze across their bond. He blinked once, sweat and blood pouring down his face. And then, he nodded.

Rey lifted her saber above her head, ready to deliver the killing blow to Palpatine and as she dropped the weapon behind her back, she felt its weight vanish. She knew it had found its mark when a rush of relief flooded into her through the bond she shared with Ben.

Palpatine froze for a moment, as if uncertain what he was seeing. It gave Rey enough time to pull Leia’s lightsaber from her belt and ignite it, bringing it up to block his next onslaught.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

Ben knew overconfidence could be a weakness, but as he felt the lightsaber take solid form in his hand, he couldn’t help but feel a little cocky. They’d never really tried anything like that before, aside from the beads he’d torn from Rey’s neck while she was on Pasana. But he’d known it would work. And it was just in time.

Whirling, he used the saber as an extension of himself, feeling once again whole with the weapon in his grasp. Thrusting out with his other arm, he sent one of his knights reeling back hard, slamming into an outcropping of rock. With determined efficiency, Ben struck them all down, knowing that this was merely a warmup to the true battle. He was here for Rey. He didn’t have time to deal with distractions.

Once he was sure the knights were incapacitated, he took off at a sprint, working his way through the different chambers until he was back in Palpatine’s throne room once more. He could feel the fuzzy presence of the Emperor’s followers, the zoned-out consciousness of the red Imperial Guards that ringed the room. It was odd. While Ben knew they were there, everyone in the room, aside from Rey and Palpatine felt vague, almost as if Ben could put his hand through them – like they were the approximation of a human being, but not a whole entity.

He didn’t have time to worry about it though. Rey was fading fast. He rushed to her side, sliding into place. She turned to face him, fear and doubt playing across her features. But he could feel her relief through the bond, too. Holding her gaze, Ben thought, _Together_.

Her own voice whispered back to his mind, _Together_.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*


	7. Exegol - Part II

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Ben out of the fight, what chance does Rey have to defeat Palpatine?

**Chapter 7 – Exegol, Part II**

Rey felt her energy lift as she and Ben took up mirrored stances before Palpatine. As soon as he had landed on the planet, she knew something had changed, but now with him no more than a hand’s breath away, it was as if their bond was singing, power and love and determination vibrating between them.

Palpatine seemed to notice it as well. Before they could even attempt to strike, Rey felt herself hoisted into the air by an invisible crane, a nauseating reminder of her time before Snoke. She was paralyzed, unable to move no matter how much she tried and she knew Ben was the same.

Why couldn’t they combat this? Palpatine called it a dyad, something not seen for a generation. Shouldn’t that be enough? Why wasn’t she enough?

_Rey_. Ben’s voice echoed in her mind, forcing her to halt her downward spiral of self-pity. _We have to do this, Rey, together_.

_How?_

_The bond, this dyad. It’s the only way_.

Still unable to move, Rey used all the strength she could muster to reach out to Ben, reaching out through the Force in an attempt to bridge the gap between them. She felt him concentrating to do the same. Both of them were exhausted, having fought too many battles today without enough sleep or enough to eat. But Rey pushed through, feeling as though her and Ben’s consciousnesses were just millimeters away. If she could just—

White hot pain seared through her body as Palpatine resumed his lightning assault, this time trapping Ben in its clutches as well. She felt pain from his side of the bond, before he managed to close the connection between them, no doubt trying to keep his suffering separate from her own. She was doing the same.

But it was all she could do. She had no energy, no concentration left to divert any focus to Palpatine. She just had to survive this and hope another opening would present itself.

And then, she felt nothing but the hard impact of the ground beneath her as Palpatine dropped them both and everything went black.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

Ben awoke, his entire body alight with pain. He had experienced Force lightning before, even inflicted it on a few people, but Palpatine’s use of the stuff was masterful. Every bit of him ached, even the roots of his hair, but there wasn’t time to dwell. If he and Rey were going to get out of this, then the only thing he could focus on was her.

He took a silent breath and listened, realizing that Palpatine was not yet aware he was conscious. Doing his best to isolate the bond he shared with Rey, Ben tried to rouse her.

She was a gray outline in the Force. The spark of her was gone. The brilliant yellow light he’d always associated with her presence was dimmed, dying and Ben could barely find her.

It was up to him then. Palpatine had tormented his family enough. If he was to truly start to make amends for all the pain and suffering he had caused throughout the galaxy in the last decade, then he would start right here. Ben would avenge his grandfather, his uncle, his father and his mother. And he would get Rey and take her as far away from the darkness as he could.

Bracing himself, Ben pushed up onto his knees, searching for his saber in the Force and finding it. Just before he could draw it into his hand, he once again felt himself suspended, Palpatine’s sick laugh and taunting voice reminding Ben that all his bravado was for naught.

“As once I fell,” Palpatine was saying. Ben tried to reach Rey once more.

_Rey, wake up! We have to fight_.

And then he was tumbling, end over end, hurtling across the cavernous space and over the edge of chasm. Jagged stone surrounded him and Ben did his best to regain some control. It seemed that once he’d left Palpatine’s line of sight, the Sith lord had assumed gravity would do the rest of the work.

Ben slowed his ascent, already feeling far too out of control. He flailed about to try and find a handhold, and his fingertips scraped against the rock, once, twice. The third time he managed to grab hold, but the rest of his body was not prepared to stop and he slammed, hip first into the side of the cave. A sharp, blinding pain radiated down his leg and Ben fought to keep himself from blacking out. There was a good chance he’d just shattered his hip, his leg or maybe both.

Swinging there for a moment, barely holding on with his fingertips, Ben took a deep breath and forced himself to reach with his other hand to get a better grasp. Of course, that was the side that Rey had run through with a lightsaber about a day ago, so his whole body spasmed as the still healing muscle was stretched too far.

He couldn’t stay here, this far out of the fight. Doing his best to simply stay alive, he had very little energy to try and determine what was happening 100 meters above him. Rey wasn’t dead, he knew that much. Losing her, the literal other half of his soul would surely decimate Ben as well. He needed to get back to her side.

Closing his eyes, Ben did his best to find calm. It had been years since he’d even tried to center himself in the Force; it was so much easier to rage and destroy. But the dark would not help him now. He needed the light.

He needed help. He could feel the growing fatigue in his arms and reminded himself that this was a moment he would survive, and then he’d survive the next and the next and so on. But he needed to tap into that energy force that bound the galaxy together.

Ben felt it as a whisper at first. The hair around his face ruffled as though a wind were sweeping by. The air carried the disembodied voices of people he didn’t recognize.

But one voice called out over all the others. Rey. _Be with me_.

_Be with me_.

_Be with me_.

He joined her soft chant, repeating the words in time with her. He wasn’t even sure who exactly he was calling on, but at this point he’d take help from his infernal uncle if it meant he could save Rey and defeat Palpatine.

And then the voices coalesced into a wall of strength, a wave of Force energy that Ben could feel, swelling up around him. And then he heard another voice that made him wish for a much simpler time.

_Finish what our family started, Ben_. His mother’s voice was barely more than a murmur, but it rang out to him clear and true. _You have the power, Ben, you always have. Trust your training. Trust in the dyad and do what must be done._

Her words filled him with a sense of purpose and imbued his body with a newfound resilience. With one last deep breath, Ben gathered the Force to him, felt it build around him like a tangible power and propelled himself upwards.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

He landed at the edge of the chasm and pulled himself up the rest of the way. Ben paused for a moment once he got his feet under him and held his breath at the scene before him. Palpatine’s throne was empty, the din of his followers was gone and a small, gray colored form was curled up on the ground.

No, no, no. Ben screamed for Rey in his mind, opening the bond to the fullest extent, basically turning their connection into a holocom, but there was no answer. There was no … Rey. Dragging his broken leg across the rocky landscape, Ben hurried as fast as he could, only stumbling once.

_Rey, come on, Rey. Rey, wake up!_

He crawled the last few feet to her side and paused once he could see her face. She was white as a sheet and her eyes – her beautiful, expressive eyes – were open and unseeing.

“No, no, no, no.” He breathed out a litany of denials. _Mom_ , he called out in the Force. _Luke! Help me! I have to save her._

There was no answer of course. Ben managed to roll Rey onto her back and lifted her lifeless form across his lap. She wasn’t breathing. Encircling her back, Ben pulled her into his chest, willing her back to life. “Come on, Rey,” he breathed in her ear, still able to get a faint whiff of the soap she used from her skin. “It’s not supposed to end like this. It can’t.”

He felt despair welling in his chest. He also felt his own pain grow exponentially. The closer he got to Rey, the more he tried to reach her through their bond, the weaker he grew. There wasn’t a lot of jedi lore about dyads, but Ben had done a little bit of digging since Crait. Trying to determine what exactly was happening between him and Rey.

He had thought her presence would haunt him the rest of his pathetic life. Dyads were unbreakable. A soul split into two bodies, Force energy bridging the gap between the two halves until they were reunited in one whole. One without the other was less than half a person. Ben shouldn’t still be alive while Rey’s light had been snuffed out.

Pressing his forehead to her temple, Ben knew what he had to do. It was the last option available to a desperate man.

Sitting up, he draped Rey across his legs, cradling her neck with one hand, while his right hand drifted to her side. In truth, he wasn’t even sure he was capable of Force healing. Rey had done it fine as you please on Kef Bir, but Ben had never tried to actually fix something that he’d broken. He’d just chosen to smash it into smaller and smaller pieces.

But he had to try. Rey didn’t deserve to have her life end like this. She’d be the forgotten war hero, a martyr who died before she’d ever had the chance to really live. Ben wanted her to visit every planet in the galaxy. He wanted her to taste every food, swim in every ocean, fly every ship. For all she had suffered in her first nineteen years it was the least she deserved.

Ben felt the connection of his hand to Rey’s abdomen. He felt the residual warmth of her body. He could almost see the ebbing aura of Force energy as it dissipated around her. Gathering the Force to him, Ben turned his mind inward and found his own inner well of Force energy. He could feel the jagged half of his soul, an open wound that was throbbing with need for its missing half.

With more concentration than he’d ever had, Ben called his own energy up from his center, into his arm and down through his hand, pushing it into Rey, willing it to find its way to her center where it was needed most.

For a handful of seconds, Ben didn’t know if it was working. He was growing more and more tired, but he couldn’t tell if this transfer of energy was having any effect on Rey, she was still lifeless in his arms.

He pushed through the growing fatigue, and the little warning alarm that had started in the back of his mind, telling Ben he had to stop. He could kill himself if in his zeal to save Rey he drained his own life force. But he ignored it. Rey’s life was more important.

And then, he felt a calloused hand atop his own. Blinking his eyes open in surprise he glanced down and saw Rey’s bloodied hand over his against her side. Holding his breath, barely able to imagine that this might have worked, he raised his eyes and met hers.

And Rey smiled.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*


	8. Exegol - Part III

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey is awake! Their moment of happiness is interrupted as Rey realizes that Ben might have sacrificed too much of himself to save her.

**Chapter 8 – Exegol, Part III**

Rey awoke with a rush, feeling warmth spreading like warm bath water to every molecule of her body. She blinked once, trying to get her senses back, not at all sure the danger was passed. And then she felt relief and comfort, and the familiar presence of Ben Solo’s mind calling to her through their bond. _Wake up, Rey. Wake up_.

His hand was warm and heavy against her side and Rey grabbed for it, startling the man almost as much as she startled herself. Rey held her breath as she raised her eyes to his face and saw him sitting above her, staring at her with a type of awe. Blinking, she did her best to sit up, finding that Ben’s healing had gone a long way to easing the pain of her injuries. She could still feel them, could still feel the overwhelming exhaustion biting at the edge of her awareness, but she felt Ben most clearly of all.

Sitting up slowly, she held his gaze, feeling her strength returning as each second passed. But through their bond, she could tell that Ben was still siphoning his own energy into her and Rey wondered how much he could spare. Hesitantly, she lifted a hand, pushing some his shaggy hair back from his face before she let her palm rest against his cheek, her thumb falling over the scar she had given him.

“Ben?” Her voice was barely a whisper. But she knew he heard it when he graced her with the biggest smile she had ever seen. She had never seen him smile before. Kylo Ren could not be bothered with such trivialities, but Ben Solo’s smile was wide and warm and Rey wanted to curl up inside it.

She watched him swallow a few times, his eyes roaming over her face unable to alight in one place for too long. “I thought I lost you,” he murmured back. His wide smile reached his eyes and Rey saw gratitude and relief flood his eyes, even as tears began to well in them as well. “I thought you were gone.”

“You brought me back,” she told him, leaning even closer. Capturing his face between both her hands, Rey held his gaze, feeling her own tears beginning to build. “You saved me.”

“You saved me first,” he whispered back and then she was kissing him and they had no need for more words.

This close and with the bond wide open and humming between them it was impossible to determine where Ben Solo stopped and Rey began. She had never been kissed before and had certainly never kissed anyone, but her lips slid over Ben’s with a practiced ease. Even as his arms tightened around her, holding Rey closer, pressing their chests together, she could tell, they just fit.

But with this knew found intimacy Rey realized something in the next second that worried her. Ben was barely holding on. He’d used almost all of his own life force to save her and there wasn’t much left for him now. He would die if they didn’t do anything.

Pulling away, Rey met his gaze and wiped gently at the tears on his cheeks. “Do you know how to enter a Force healing trance?”

The dopey grin on his face from kissing the girl of his dreams quickly morphed into confusion. “What?”

“You need to, Ben. You’re too weak. Saving me almost killed you. Can you do it?”

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

Ben didn’t know what Rey was talking about. He felt f--- … Oh.

Black dots danced at the edge of his vision and Ben finally felt his own body’s silent scream for help. He’d been so focused on Rey’s recovery that he’d simply ignored his own needs. A healing trance; Luke had talked about those before. Right?

“Rey?”

He hated the fear that he heard in his voice, but Ben was desperate not to lose this; not to lose her. Grasping her arms, Ben took a deep breath, trying again to center himself and find the well of reserve energy he knew he possessed. Find that quiet spot in the center of his being he could retreat to and heal.

But everything hurt and Rey had just defeated Palpatine and she’d been dead and now she was alive and …

“Hey.”

Her quiet voice pulled Ben from his spinning thoughts. Meeting her gaze, he saw worry there yes, but also beauty and compassion and something awfully close to what he thought was love. “Breathe with me,” she instructed.

He nodded once and did as he was told. He felt Rey’s light working its way along their bond, reaching ever so gently into his mind, searching for the path to his center. As they breathed in unison, Ben’s mind followed hers down that path and he soon felt a kind of peace wash over him. Now, he knew what to do.

Without opening his eyes, Ben laid back, the ground craggy and ragged beneath his back. “This could take a while,” he murmured.

He felt Rey’s calloused hand against his cheek. “Take your time. I need you to be okay.”

“I’ll be okay,” he whispered. “We both will.” And then, he slipped under, allowing the Force to settle its way into his bones, his muscles, his entire being so it could do the work of repairing him.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

Rey spent an incalculable amount of time just staring at him. Her eyes trailed from his hairline, down the scar she’d bestowed upon him, along his patrician nose and sharp jaw until it reached his neck. She paused for a moment, taking comfort in the slow rise and fall of his chest.

She herself felt her body begging for sleep, but she refused to even lie down beside him. She needed to stay awake, just in case something happened, and she knew as soon as she was prone, her body would give out and she’d fall into a deep slumber.

Of course, if she was asleep at least she wouldn’t be subjected to this eerie cavern. She wanted to get Ben out of here, but with both of them so tired, there was no way she could possibly support his weight back to the surface. So, they would have to remain here, surrounded by dust and the echoes of the dead, until Ben was well enough to travel.

She glanced upward, and saw that the skies above Exegol were quiet once again. Pretty soon after she’d awoken, the battle had ended. Now, it was just she and the sleeping man before her on this dead planet.

Taking a deep breath, Rey pulled her gaze back to Ben and felt a small smile pulling at the edge of her lips. He looked so peaceful like this, one hand resting on his stomach, the other at this side. Scooting forward a bit, Rey slid her hand into his and closed her eyes. She didn’t want to disrupt his healing, but she figured that as one half of a dyad she should at least be able to check in. 

Ben’s mind was quiet and dark. Rey could feel him, knew that he was still alive, but she was discouraged by the lack of progress he seemed to be making. His injuries were just too severe. _Ben?_

Her voice echoed through his mind, fading into nothing. She tried again. _Ben?_

_Ugh_ , was his only response.

Rey winced feeling his pain as if it were her own. What if he was too far gone to actually heal himself? What if he just slipped away while she was sitting here and she’d never even know?

They hadn’t come this far for nothing. Rey refused to believe that Ben Solo’s redemption would be so short-lived. She refused to believe that the universe would really take Ben from her too.

Grounding herself back on Exegol, Rey gave Ben’s hand a squeeze before brushing a kiss across his cool forehead. “Hang in there.”

*8*8*8**8*8*8*


	9. The surface of Exegol

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey waits for help to come while Ben begrudgingly accepts some help.

**Chapter 9 – The surface of Exegol**

Rey waited next to Luke’s X-Wing, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, watching in anticipation. Based on her calculations, the ship should be here any minute. And the sooner, the better – Ben’s condition wasn’t improving, and Rey knew he needed the benefits of a full medbay and a doctor.

She spotted the familiar shape of the Falcon as soon as it entered the atmosphere. With Chewie and Lando at the helm the ship moved through the lightning-riddled atmosphere with ease. Taking a deep breath, she said a silent prayer to the Gods that she’d done the right thing.

Chewie was the first one down the ramp, his bowcaster out and ready although Rey had promised him the threat was gone. He spotted Rey across the landscape and loped over to her, letting out a roar in greeting.

Rey felt tears pricking her eyes as the Wookiee embraced her, his large arms and warm fur enclosing her in a blanket of comfort. She was so grateful for his friendship. “I know, Chewie. It’s good to see you, too.”

He pulled back and crouched a bit so he could see her eyes as he asked after Ben. “How bad is it?”

Rey grimaced and that seemed to give him all the answer he needed. Chewie asked her where he was and Rey said, “I’ll have to take you to him. This place is a labyrinth.”

By now, Lando had met up with them, his gait slow and measured with the help of his cane. “Miss Rey,” he said, reaching out to take her hand. He bent down as if to kiss her knuckles like some holo star, and then paused when he saw how covered with grit and grime they were. And not to mention a little blood. “Where’s Ben?”

“He’s back in the citadel, but before we get him we need to talk about what our next step is.” Looking between them both, Rey took a deep breath and hoped she had trusted the right people. “He needs a doctor and a full medical bay. Even if Ajan Kloss was outfitted with all that he needs, we can’t take him back there. Not yet.”

Maybe not ever, Rey’s consciousness chided, but she did her best to swat the thought away. She watched as the two old friends exchanged a glance, in silence and then shared a nod in silence. And then, in silence, Lando turned back to the Falcon and Chewie told Rey, “Take me to Ben. We don’t have time to waste.”

Confused, her eyes darted between the two of them, Lando’s figure shrinking as he walked a path back to the Falcon. “Wait. What’s going on? What did you two just decide?”

Lando turned and offered her a small smile that had no hope of reaching his eyes. “You’re right, Rey, about Ben and the Resistance. That’s not a sleeping bantha we want to wake. I have a place we can take the little starfighter so he can heal. I’m going to call and make some arrangements while you and Chewbacca go to fetch him.”

Rey’s body had long ago run out of adrenaline. Now she was simply running on sheer will power and probably a little bit of the Force. Her fatigue and exhaustion was clouding everything, including her judgment. “Why should I trust you?”

“You called us here, didn’t you?”

With a humph, Rey glanced over at Chewie and caught his gaze. Everything in his blue eyes was begging her to go along with this plan. He seemed to have plenty of faith in the old swindler.

Before she could render her verdict, Lando spoke again. Although his voice was soft, it carried across the barren landscape of Exegol, audible over the crack of thunder above. “My best friend and his wife are gone. Their son is the only one left and I owe it to them to help. I can help, so I will.”

A lump formed in Rey’s throat, but she could feel the sincerity in his statement. With a nod in the older man’s direction, she turned back to Chewie and started at a light jog in the direction of Ben. “Come on, Chewie. He doesn’t have much time.”

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

Ben was in darkness. There was nothing but dark on every side, above, below, all around. He was weak, too weak to move from this dark, cold existence, too injured to call upon the Force to pull him back to the land of the living. Back to Rey.

He had felt her presence a while ago – time had no meaning in this dark place – but now, the thread that connected them was as black as everything else. It still pulsed with a kind of life, but in his condition, Ben had no strength to investigate further.

He wondered if this was what dying felt like. If he’d just lay here in the darkness and slip away.

“You won’t, you’re far too hard-headed for that.”

Ben’s body jolted, but he could still only see darkness. The voice, it was familiar though. As was the disapproval it conveyed.

“Yes, that’s right. I’ve come to haunt you, as I said I would.” His uncle’s blue-hued face hovered above him, and Ben was lucid enough to recognize a slight twinkle in his eye. Although the sight of the man would normally make him apoplectic, he had no reaction now.

Luke’s ghostly form took a seat beside him. Carefully, he laid a non-corporeal hand across Ben’s forehead. What the old fool thought that was going to do, he had no idea. It seemed that in this in-between they both were at a disadvantage, and maybe a little south of actually living.

With his hand on his nephew’s forehead, Luke fixed his gaze on Ben’s and for the first time in a very long time actually looked remorseful. “I’m sorry, Ben. For so many things. Let me do this one last thing for you.”

Ben wasn’t really in any position to turn away help, but he still felt an old resentment simmer under his skin. Maybe something showed in his expression, because the old man’s wry smile was back. “Don’t worry. We don’t have to ever speak of it again.”

And then Luke closed his eyes and Ben closed his and there was still darkness until there was nothing.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

Chewie’s gait faltered for a moment as soon as they came in sight of Ben. Even from a distance, he could see that the cub’s face was whiter than the surface of Hoth and that he was lying still. Very, very still.

Rey raced ahead of him, going to her knees beside Ben’s form, taking his hand before bending over to place her ear to his chest. He could hear her audible sigh of relief just a moment later. “Oh, thank the Force. He’s still breathing.”

Holstering his bowcaster, Chewie moved to Ben’s other side and surveyed the young man who he had known since he could fit comfortably in the palm, just the palm of Chewie’s large paw. He looked like death, a realization Chewie tried to root out from his brain. Negativity wasn’t going to help anyone now.

Bending over, he took hold of Ben’s arm, before moving to place his other arm behind the man’s knees. “Careful,” Rey cautioned, as she rose with them, never letting her hand drop from Ben’s. “His leg and hip were shattered.”

With a grimace, Chewie did his best to cradle Ben’s fragile form, but the truth was, they didn’t have time for caution. If he was in as bad a shape as Rey indicated then getting him off this Force-forsaken planet and finding help were all that mattered in the next few hours. Chewie just had to hope that the journey wouldn’t injure the young man any further.

Turning back in the direction they came, Chewie ordered, “Let’s go.”

Rey’s expression told him, she was going to have an objection. And he was right. “You go, take him, I’ll be right behind you.”

“Rey—”

“Go, this will only take me a minute.”

He watched as she darted off toward the far side of the room, edging closer to what appeared to be a sharp drop-off. Conflicted, Chewie spared another glance to the young man in his arms and did as Rey had instructed. She had proven she could take care of herself.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*

Rey slid to a stop a few feet from the chasm’s edge, rocks and dirt falling into the abyss. Taking a deep breath, she really hoped this wasn’t a fool’s errand. Closing her eyes, Rey reached out with the Force and tried to find the familiar signature of Luke’s lightsaber. She knew Ben must have lost it when he went over the edge. That saber had survived generations, it seemed an insult to just leave it behind once again.

Pressed for time, Rey redoubled her efforts, searching down into the core of Exegol, her mind whizzing past every outcropping and jagged edge. Her body was quick to remind her that she did not have the energy for this and she faltered for a moment, almost going down to one knee.

Steadying herself, Rey tried one more time. And then, she felt the hum of the weapon, just as she had in Maz’s castle. With a renewed energy, she called it to her and felt it zipping up through the abyss, looking for her hand.

As the cool metal slapped itself into her palm, Rey opened her eyes and allowed herself to smile, before she was thrust once more into a vision. She saw her mother and father, telling her to be brave even as they left her behind. She saw Kylo Ren rising up before her in the forest before she fell into his arms. She saw herself in the mirror cave on Ahch-To and watched as she made her first real connection with someone when she tried to touch Kylo’s hand through their bond.

She saw Palpatine suspended from his jury-rigged throne as he reached for Rey and her life force. She saw herself falling to the ground, unable to defeat him; unable to protect Ben; unable to save the galaxy.

_Run, Rey, run!_

With a sharp inhale, Rey once again found herself on Exegol. Whipping her head about, she looked for the speaker, wondering who it could possibly be that was imploring her to leave this place. But at the moment, it truly didn’t matter. All that mattered was that she get her ass to the Falcon and get back to Ben. He needed her. They needed each other.

Clipping the retrieved saber to her belt, Rey turned and ran.

*8*8*8**8*8*8*


	10. Millennium Falcon, Hyperspace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben and Rey are off Exegol, traveling with Chewie and Lando on the Falcon. Rey is praying for some type of miracle as she feels Ben slipping further away. Meanwhile, Ben and his Force guest uncle have words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello everyone! I wanted to take a quick second and thank all of you who have left a comment or a kudos in the past few weeks as this story has progressed. It really means a lot to me and gives me such a nice boost, which to be honest, I think we all could use right now. I truly hope you're enjoying this little post-TROS story. I enjoyed putting our beloved Reylo through their paces and also writing some of the OG characters whom I haven't written in a long while. 
> 
> If you're interested in my writing and like Firefly or BSG 2003, I have a ton of work over on FanFiction.net under the same username. Just thought I'd put it out there! Thanks again and MTFBWY!

**Chapter 10 – In hyperspace on the Millennium Falcon**

Despite asking for one, Rey found Lando’s explanation regarding where exactly there were heading severely lacking. After being reassured it wasn’t Pasana – because what type of resources could that dust ball possibly have – Rey retreated to the Falcon’s hold, sitting beside Ben. He was now connected to a bunch of wires and tubes, a steady beep reminding her that he was still alive, but barely. Rey shifted a bit on the crate she had employed as a seat trying to find a position that didn’t hurt. In truth, there wasn’t one. Her body was done pretending that she wasn’t holding on by a hairs-breadth herself.

“You need rest.”

Rey cocked an eyebrow and turned to face Chewie as he entered the hold. “Are you sure you’re not Force-sensitive? It’s like you read my mind.”

He didn’t bother to justify her playful jab and instead stood beside her, his heavy paw on her shoulder. “I mean it. Go rest. We have at least three more hours in hyperspace.”

Rey would be lying to herself and everyone on board if the she pretended the sound of a bunk, a pillow and a blanket didn’t feel like heaven right now. But she physically couldn’t leave Ben’s side. The few minutes they’d been parted on Exegol as she’d gone to retrieve his saber had been bad enough. She had no desire to be gone from him again.

Shaking her head once, Rey took Ben’s closest hand in her own, careful to avoid the small cuts and bruises that spoke of his struggle in the chasm, as he’d barely held on to the jagged outcroppings of rock to keep himself alive.

“I’ll be fine,” she told the Wookiee softly, focusing all of her attention on Ben.

While she could guess that Chewie wanted to argue, she also knew he would leave it be. Rey had tried to explain to him what her bond with Ben meant, or at least, what she thought it meant. But in truth, she knew as much about this dyad as Chewie did. However, putting a name to their connection had the desired effect – it convinced both Chewie and Lando that Rey probably knew better than anyone what was best for the broken man lying in the bunk before them.

***8*8*8**8*8*8***

Ben was running out of patience. Time meant nothing in this weird in-between he was suspended in. But he’d already spent more “time” with Luke in this state than he had over the past 10 years. And to make it worse, whatever type of healing Luke was trying to employ meant that his connection to Rey was barely a spark. He knew she was still alive, knew that they were still connected to one another, but he had no hope of wading through the mess of his consciousness right now in order to truly connect with her.

“I can feel your displeasure from here.” His uncle’s wry voice sounded through the void. “Do you think you could possibly try and employ some patience for an old man?”

Ben snorted. “Old man? Since when have you ever admitted to any kind of weakness?” He opened his eyes and then quickly closed them again. It was unnerving to stare into the utter blackness. “I’d have more patience if I had any indication this was working.”

There was silence once more. Ben did his best not to fidget, trying his hardest to tap into whatever life Force his uncle was so keen on feeding through his damage body. But it was as ethereal to him as the stars in the sky. One moment he was sure he felt some type of strength surge through him and then it was gone just as quickly. “Will this work?” he asked finally, surprised by how small his voice sounded.

A sigh. And then, “I don’t know. The few times I attempted healing trances, I wasn’t as badly injured as you are.” A pause. “Truthfully, a week in a bacta tank is probably going to do you more good. But right now, this is the best we’ve got.”

Ben sneered at the idea of being submerged in the viscous, sticky fluid his uncle mentioned. Snoke had never believed in true healing, so Ben had only seen the first aid administered to others, but still, it looked unpleasant.

“How often did Snoke hurt you?”

Ben wanted to curse. Of course, his uncle could pick up on any damn random thought in his head. “It’s not important.”

“It is.” Luke paused and Ben felt another surge of something move through his body before it was gone once more. “You know it is. And you know you’ll have to confront it before you’ll be truly free of him.”

That was not a subject Ben wanted to dwell on. Redemption, repentance and regret – these were words that conjured more dread than relief in his mind. Thinking of Snoke meant he’d have to think of all he had done as Kylo Ren and those horrors were best left buried in a corner of his mind.

“They will always haunt you, Ben. Whether you confront them or not. But admitting it and moving past it is the only way to truly live a life once all of this is said and done.”

Ben understood the wisdom of his uncle’s words, but they held no solace for him. “I don’t know if I’m strong enough,” he admitted in a whisper. “I’m not sure I ever will be.”

“Well, thankfully, you won’t have to do it alone.”

Ben recoiled at the intimation. “I can’t tell Rey about any of this. You know that, don’t you?” The idea made his stomach roil and he wondered if it was possible to vomit in his current state.

“Why?”

“She’ll leave,” he shouted, as if it should be obvious. “And she should. I am a monster. She was right about that from the moment we met.”

There was silence again and for a time Ben wondered if his uncle had abandoned him. It wouldn’t be the first time, but at this moment, the idea felt as if he’d been punched in the gut and reduced to nothing. He knew this feeling. It was the emptiness that came with having nothing. Nothing but rage and anger and righteous indignation. It was the emotional void created by the essence of Kylo Ren.

“If she truly believed that, she never would have come to you on the Supremacy and she certainly wouldn’t have saved you on Kef Bir.”

Ben wondered for a moment if his uncle actively spied on every moment of his life. Or maybe his mother’s Force ghost had imparted that bit of knowledge. But it didn’t really matter. His uncle was probably right – again.

“I think you’re more annoying dead than you were alive,” Ben remarked dryly.

Luke tsked in his ear almost as if they were sitting side by side. It was the closest Ben had felt his uncle yet. “I’m not going to let you use sarcasm to deflect, Benjamin. How you choose to handle the next few months of your life is going to determine a lot of people’s happiness – not just your own.”

His mind immediately went to Rey. He would do anything to make her happy. To make her smile again. Ben wondered when the last time was she truly smiled. Or laughed. Had she ever laughed? Like a real deep belly laugh? Like the ones Ben had sometimes shared with his father or the ones his father had shared with Chewie? The ones that brought tears to his eyes and doubled him over because his stomach hurt so bad.

Actually …. When was the last time he laughed like that? It was ludicrous for him to even entertain the notion that he, Ben Solo formerly known as Kylo Ren could make Rey happy in any way. He was full of hatred and anger and once that was gone, he just felt empty. He didn’t have anything to give.

Once again Luke spoke, and this time his voice was gentle, as if afraid whatever he said next could scare Ben away. “You have always had something to give, Ben. Always. I was too blind to see it. But Rey isn’t. She’s seen you, the real you since the moment you forged this dyad. Giving up on yourself means giving up on her. Is that really what you want?”

Of course, Ben knew the answer to that, but before he could try and put it into words, he felt a sharp spike throughout his body and mind. At first it was so startling, he didn’t notice the pain, but it came in waves afterward. Squeezing his eyes shut, Ben tried to breathe through it, but it was nearly impossible.

“Hang on, Ben.” His uncle’s voice was fading, but he could hear him repeating those words as he tried to take hold of this feeling. With each deep breath, he heard another voice reminding him to be strong. His mother – “Hold on, baby. You’re almost there.” His father – “You got this, kid. Just don’t give up.”

And then finally, Rey. Always Rey. “Stay with me, Ben. Be with me. Please be with me.”

He slipped back into true unconsciousness hoping that this was the first thing in a long list of things that Rey wanted that he could finally provide.

***8*8*8**8*8*8***


	11. A planet Lando has recently acquired in a game of Sabaac

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey, Ben, Lando and Chewie have made it to a medical facility, but what is the true state of Ben's injuries? And, after all she's been through, how is Rey still standing?
> 
> In the in-between Ben is given a moment to make amends with two very important people - and get some facts set straight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello all! This is the longest chapter to date, so I really hope you enjoy it. Some of what you'll read below reflects my feelings on some OG trilogy plot points that I feel never really got their due in the Star Wars universe. I had a great time writing Han and Leia. They are so much fun!
> 
> If you are still enjoying, I would love to hear your feedback, especially whether or not you think I got the tone and tenor of the last conversation in this chapter right. Thanks again for reading and enjoy!

**Chapter 11 – A planet Lando has recently acquired in a game of Sabaac**

By the time they arrived at Lando’s secret hideaway – a recent acquisition from a Sabaac win – Rey was barely hanging on. And Ben was doing far worse.

A medical team had met them on the landing platform with a gurney and within in moments they had him hooked up to a myriad of nutrients, machines and pain medication. The doctor tried to get details out of Rey regarding what had put Ben in this condition, but how could she possibly explain any of it? His injuries weren’t normal.

It had been over three hours since their arrival and Ben was in the midst of another test. Scans of every part of his body, bloodwork, brain waves, heart monitors – there wasn’t an inch of him that wasn’t getting some type of attention.

Rey was beyond grateful although her patience was wearing thin. She just needed to know that he’d be okay. It was the only way she’d let them take a look at her own injuries despite the insistence of everyone, including Chewie and Lando, that she undergo her own battery of tests. Fortunately, a well-placed withering glare was all it took to silence those pleas.

She was staring at Ben now as he was fed through a circular machine that made a lot of noise and lit up like a holiday festival at random intervals. She could barely stand still. Despite years of experience waiting for anything to happen on Jakku, she was going out of her mind the longer it took them to assess Ben’s condition.

“Miss Rey?”

A quiet voice by her elbow startled her and Rey glanced down to see a nurse droid at her side. She had been one of the first to help with Ben when they landed.

“Yes?”

“We have some of Mr. Solo’s test results back. The doctor was hoping she could discuss them with you.”

Rey nodded once and then spared Ben one final glance before following the tiny droid down the hall. She passed Chewie on the way, the large Wookiee doing his best to fit in an uncomfortable chair in the med center’s waiting room. Meeting her gaze, she saw the question in his eyes and jerked her head up. “Come on, they’ve got some news.”

The Wookiee fell into step beside her. “Where’s Lando?” she asked. Chewie only had a shrug as an answer. Oh well, they could fill him in later.

They were led to an office with a desk and a few chairs, neither of which would accommodate Chewie’s bulk. The Wookiee chose to stand behind Rey as the doctor entered after them and took her own seat.

“Well, we’ve spent quite a bit of time with Mr. Solo now.”

“Is he going to make it?” Rey blurted, unable to suppress her anxiety.

The doctor frowned. “Based on what I’ve seen, it’s a miracle he’s still breathing. To me, that implies that he’s far beyond stubborn. Unless something changes drastically, I don’t see why he wouldn’t pull through. Since he’s made it this far.”

Rey breathed a sigh of relief and slumped back in her seat, Chewie’s heavy paw landing on her shoulder in a sign of solidarity.

“However, I am concerned with how long he’s been in his current state,” the doctor cautioned. “He’s been like this for almost 24 hours now?”

Rey nodded. “Yes, it’s a Force healing technique.”

“I know very little about the intricacies of the Force, but if this isn’t worrying you, than I’m going to say it’s the least of our problems right now.” Setting a data pad before her, the doctor pulled up a list of information and began to list off injuries, each one more gruesome than the last. “Shattered pelvis and right hip; broken left ankle that will require surgery; second and third degree burns along most of his torso; dislocated left shoulder; collapsed lung; too many abrasions and contusions to catalog. Plus, he’s severely dehydrated, malnourished and has a ruptured ear drum.

“I’m also a bit concerned about his neuromuscular function. Being struck by lightning can really do a number on your nervous system. But until he wakes up there isn’t really any way for us to assess the damage.”

Rey swallowed past the growing lump in her throat. She knew it had been bad, but hearing Ben’s injuries listed so starkly made her feel ill. “What is your recommendation then, doctor?”

With a sigh, the doctor leaned back and regarded both her and Chewie for a moment before considering. “Well, we need to repair the ankle and stabilize his hip and pelvis first, and the collapsed lung. We’ve already relocated his shoulder, and we’re pumping him full of saline and nutrients. After those surgeries are done, I would say a week at least in a bacta tank will do him a world of good. We’ll keep him sedated, on the off chance he might wake up ahead of time and then reassess his status as the bacta does its work.”

Nodding, Rey tried not to let her own hopelessness take over. Another week of no contact with Ben. It was nearly impossible to have a connection with him now, even through the bond, but if they started giving him drugs to keep him under, she guessed it would only get worse.

“Mr. Calrissian has made all the arrangements and made accommodations for you and your companion,” the doctor added, giving Chewie a glance. “However, I think now that we have a handle on Mr. Solo’s injuries, it’s time we started to take a look at yours.”

Rey grimaced. Growing up without any type of access to medical care made her distrustful of all doctors. She hadn’t ever encountered anything, no injury, no sickness, no pain that she couldn’t overcome on her own. “A think a few days of sleep are about all I need.”

Chewie whined his displeasure. Rey turned to glare at him, “Traitor.”

“At least let us run some scans and just get a baseline for where you’re at, Rey.”

She knew she needed the help. Rey was simply being stubborn because it was her default setting, no other real reason. Taking a deep breath, she reached back out to Ben one more time, trying to see if there’d been any change in the past few hours. _Ben?_ She followed the invisible tether to his mind, looking for a way in, looking for anything familiar, but it was just shades of gray at this point. There was still a spark, but it wasn’t strong.

_Ben?_ The spark flickered once and Rey felt a surge of hope that perhaps Ben knew she was there. It would have to do for now.

“All right, doctor,” Rey said with a sigh. “Do your wors-“

She would have finished the sentence if rising from her seat hadn’t caused her entire world to shift and in an instant blackness coated her vision and she was out.

***8*8*8**8*8*8***

Ben was once again floating in the in-between. Somewhere, on the other side of whatever this was, was his life. Rey, and the universe and his future in the Force was just within reach, so close that it frustrated him to no end that he couldn’t get there.

Despite his uncle’s help however, he was still stuck in some type of limbo and what little patience he’d managed to hold on to had almost dwindled to nothing.

“Unfortunately, based on who your parents were, you never had any hope of patience.”

Ben felt a small smile tug at the corners of his mouth as his mother’s familiar presence washed over him. He could see now, in this weird gray twilight and she stood just a few feet from him, glowing in Force-ghost-blue. She was wearing an older outfit, one he had seen in holos as a child, when she’d handed medals to his father and uncle after the Battle of Yavin.

She was radiant.

“Can I go now?” Ben asked, not hiding the whine in his tone.

Leia cocked her head to one side and indulged him with a smile. “You think you’re ready, huh?”

He paused. “I meant go back to the land of the living. Back to Rey.” Waving a hand in her vague direction, he added, “I didn’t mean wherever you are.”

She smiled again. “No, of course not.” Taking a moment to regard him, she paused, and then gestured to a space behind him. “Let’s talk for a moment first, hm?”

Turning, Ben was startled to find an almost except replica of the living room of his childhood home had appeared. It was bathed in a strange, but warm yellow light that was in stark contrast to his mother’s blue and his own odd gray.

Taking a hesitant seat on the sofa, he felt a wave of sense memory wash over him. How many nights had he spent on this couch, curled up in his mother’s lap watch a holo program or jumped on the cushions as he and his father played space pirates?

He wondered oddly if the home on Chandrila was still standing. He wondered if he had the guts to go back there one day.

“I want to explain why I did what I did.” His mother’s gaze was fixed out a window, as if staring at the Chandrila skyline. “I think at the very least I owe you that.”

Ben wasn’t about to argue.

“When I found out who my father was, who he had become, I was devastated.” Swallowing hard, his mother’s voice grew softer as she said, “I said some really terrible things to your uncle, yelled at your father for absolutely no reason and in short, wanted nothing to do with the legacy of Darth Vader.

“It took me a very long time to stop being angry. Angry at everything your grandfather had done: to me, to your father, to your uncle, to the galaxy. To my mother.” She paused again, her eyes falling to the ground. Ben could tell it was taking real strength for her to recount these things to him, and he wondered if this was how he would be talked about forty years from now. Is this how his children would try to explain Kylo Ren to his grandchild?

Unaware of his internal musings, his mother continued. “Your uncle of course, reminded me that anger was not the way of the Jedi, but I rejected him and their teachings. Even though I knew that that the only way to avoid repeating Vader’s mistakes was to get a handle on whatever latent Force power I had, it was easy to avoid training when I was trying to help build a new government.”

“What made you change your mind?” Ben had been surprised to learn that his mother had trained, but the evidence was currently resting with Rey – there was no doubt in his mind that she wielded his mother’s lightsaber.

With a small smile, Leia turned to him and said, “Your father.”

That stunned Ben. “Dad hates the Force.”

Taking his hand suddenly, all of his mother’s mirth disappeared. “That isn’t true. I don’t want you to believe that.”

Frowning Ben, rose and paced the room. “Mom, I’m not stupid. Dad was afraid of me as a kid. That’s why he didn’t care when you sent me to Luke.”

“Oh, I cared, kid.”

Startled, Ben turned to see his father standing behind him, outlined in a blue haze. Knowing his father didn’t have one lick of Force ability in him, Ben was confused as to how his dad could manifest like this, not once but twice.

“He’s getting a little help,” his mother replied to his unasked question. “There are a few people who think that us getting this right might be the most important thing for the galaxy for the next millennia or so.”

The thought sobered Ben. He had assumed that something was keeping him anchored to this plane, that there was a reason he hadn’t yet expired, despite the fact that every inch of his body had been broken or bruised. He had initially attributed it to Rey and their dyad, but now it seemed even greater forces were concerned for his continued well-being.

It was hard to imagine considering all of the destruction and pain he’d caused in the last ten years. “I don’t deserve any of this,” he whispered, the true weight of the sacrifices being made finally settling on his shoulders.

His father’s reaction was immediate. “You certainly don’t deserve to die. Not before you get a chance to really live.” With a sigh, his dad approached him, and placed his hands on his shoulders, having to reach up a bit to do so. Ben had grown as tall as his father by the time he was 11.

“Son, what you did as Kylo Ren, under the influence of Snoke or Palaptine or whoever the hell it was, those are things you will have to live with. Your mother and I hope that you can find a way to reconcile your past with all the good you are going to do with your future, but that’s a journey you’ll need to face alone.”

“Well, not alone,” Leia stressed from the other side of the room.

With a smirk, Han added, “Yeah, I guess not. That Rey’s a real piece of work, isn’t she?”

Ben blushed. There was no way he was having that conversation with either of his parents. Forging on, he said, “I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to come to terms with what I did as Kylo Ren.”

Meeting his father’s gaze, Ben implored, “I killed people, just because Snoke ordered it. Eventually, it just got to be so … normal.” 

He saw the pain in his father’s eyes. “I know, son. There hasn’t been a day since you left for Luke’s academy that I didn’t wish there was a way I could help you. If there was any way for me to take on the burden of your past so you could live a free and easy life, I would do it in a heartbeat. I want you to believe that.”

“We both would,” his mother affirmed rising to stand beside his father. “But it seems that the Force has decided we’re not the ones who are going to help you on this journey.”

Once again, his thoughts strayed to Rey.

Which his mother seemed to know. “Regardless of what you did as Kylo Ren, the Force has decided that your fate should be tied to Rey’s. If you’re not strong enough to go on, she won’t be either and I know you want more for her that that.”

“The dyad.” Ben swallowed hard. “That’s the only reason I’m still alive. Well, sort of.”

“Bingo, kid.”

“Not even Luke really understands the dyad, but he knows that if one of you dies, the other will as well. It may not be immediate, but if you go, Rey will as well. She’ll eventually just fade away,” his mother told him.

The thought of Rey dying was abhorrent to him. Regardless of anything he had ever done, she deserved to live. “We’ll have to find a way to break it,” he said quietly. “Maybe there will be writings somewhere that will tell us how to separate the dyad. She can’t be chained to me for the rest of her life.”

“Before you go making any permanent decisions, you might want to run that idea by Rey,” his father warned. “Because women always know. And if you try that without her knowledge, she will most assuredly kill you.”

Ben couldn’t help but smile at the idea. Indeed, Rey had shown she had a strong survival instinct, a result of her wretched childhood. She would not take Ben’s decision to separate the dyad well, especially if he tried to do so without her knowing.

“And maybe let Rey decide what kind of future she wants,” Leia admonished. “That girl is more than capable of making her own decisions. And you cannot second guess them for her.” Taking Ben’s hand in her own, she forced him to meet her gaze. “Listen to me, Benjamin. I know you, and like your uncle your martyr complex is strong. But you will not do Rey any favors if you think you know better than her when it comes to _her_ future. If she says she wants to be with you, believe her. Accept it. Don’t think you have to continue to suffer.”

“She’d be safer away from me.” Ben didn’t like to admit that, but it was true. She’d probably be happier too.

“I swear, you Skywalkers just love to dwell in pity. It’s like spice sticks to you guys,” Han grumbled, taking a step back and crossing his arms over his chest. He fixed his withering glare on his wife, “You wanna fix this?”

Leia pulled a face in his direction, but turned her attention back to Ben. “Son, what part of ‘the Force wills it, do you not understand?’”

“Was it the will of the Force for Snoke to invade my mind when I was just a child? Was it the will of the Force that Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader? Was it the will of the Force that led to Luke getting his hand chopped off? Or me slaughtering a village of innocent people? Or Rey being forced to suffer alone on that godforsaken planet? Was that all the “will of the Force” too?”

Taking a deep breath, his mother looked him straight in the eye and said, “Yes.”

Staggering back a step, Ben wasn’t sure he could truly acknowledge what his mother was saying. The back of his knees hit something and he found himself falling rather gracelessly into a chair. His memory was awash in snippets from his past, from all the moments he’d been alone or angry or ready to rage. All the moments he’d just wanted to come home. All the moments he’d been so disappointed in his mother or father or just the course of his life. That was all the will of the Force?

“So, it’ll never matter what I do, I’ll always just be a tool that the Force chooses to wield.”

“No, Ben. Listen to me,” his mother knelt before him, her aged, but beautiful face pleading with him to understand. “You do have choices, free will. You can make decisions for yourself and your life. There are things under your control. But the Force will always be there, guiding you, providing insight, giving you a sixth sense to rely on. The truth is, all of the things you mentioned were the will of the Force because choices were made and the Force willed them all to be true.”

Taking another deep breath, she admitted, “If you had chosen not to join the Dark Side, the Force would have found a way for you and Rey to find each other. If Luke hadn’t run off to face Vader before he was ready, he might have two flesh and blood hands. If Rey’s parents hadn’t left her behind on Jakku, she might have died with them. Or suffered a fate worse than a childhood spent in slavery.”

Ben shuddered at the thought. Based on just the few things Rey had shared with him, he found it hard to imagine much that could be worse than fighting for scraps and scavenging to survive on a desert planet. Regardless, she would have managed though, because Rey was a fighter. And she had the Force, even though she didn’t know it.

“However, the Force does seem to be unwavering on one fact.” Ben looked at his mother, wondering what she thought was solid in all of this. “You and Rey were meant to meet, you were meant to forge a dyad. You were meant to defeat Palpatine. And I believe you were meant to be together. In whatever capacity you both want.”

Sitting back, Ben tried to absorb this knowledge. It was clear to him as well that the dyad he shared with Rey was something special. While he didn’t believe Palpatine was right about many things, he knew the decrepit emperor had told the truth about the rarity of their connection. It had seemed that a dyad was one thing Palpatine had not expected. While Ben held no illusions about who had really taken Palpatine down – that honor belonged to Rey alone – he knew that Ben and Rey fighting together had been a variable he hadn’t considered.

“Palpatine said a dyad hadn’t been seen for over a hundred years,” Ben said softly. “That’s how rare they are.”

Leia nodded. “It would be an awful shame to throw away something so precious.” 

“You gotta hold on to stuff like that, kid,” Han agreed. “At the end of the day, those types of connections are all that really matters.”

Ben couldn’t help needling his father. “Oh really? Not a good blaster at your side and a fast ship?”

Han grinned. “Well, I mean, that definitely helps.” Leia playfully swiped at his side. “But no, what really matters are people like your mom and Rey. Relationships matter.”

Ben thought of all the scorched earth he’d left in his wake in the past decade. How many relationships had he torched until they were beyond recognition? He had effectively destroyed every relationship he’d ever had, familial and friendly, until Rey had showed up. She was the one person he seemingly couldn’t scare away. He didn’t know if he should be thrilled or terrified at the idea.

The three of them maintained their silence for an untold amount of time. It could have been minutes or hours or days. But for once, Ben found he didn’t mind the chance to sit with his thoughts and consider what he had learned. He still had doubts, about Rey, about whether she could truly love him or would ever truly want him.

Ben knew that he loved her. There were a million reasons why, but the one that Ben held on to the strongest was that she had come for him. When he had given her no reason to, Rey had found her way aboard the Supremacy and stood before Snoke in order to save him – no, even more daring, in order to save Kylo Ren. Rey had believed that Ben Solo still existed and she had shown up by his side to prove it. He would spend the rest of his life trying to show her how much that meant to him.

“Now what?” Ben looked between his parents.

Leia took a deep breath, before rising and putting her hand into Han’s. She gave her husband a small smile, before turning back to her son, “Now, you get a second chance.”

Ben rose quickly afraid they would disappear in a blink and he wouldn’t get this chance. “I …” The words froze in his throat. He felt tears brimming in his eyes, but instead of trying to hide them as he had done for years, he faced his parents head on and met their gazes unflinchingly. “I love you both. So much. I always have. I’m sorry.”

He felt relief flood his body as his parents stepped forward and wrapped him in their embrace. It had been years since the three of them had shared a hug like this and Ben wanted to bask in it. He tried to catalog how it felt so he could always remember. And for the first time in a long time, Ben actually felt comforted and loved.

“We’re so proud of you,” his mother whispered in his ear as her arms tightened for just a second around him.

“You’re gonna be all right, kid. I know it,” his father affirmed from the other side.

“We love you, Ben.”

His mother’s voice fading to nothing was the last thing he heard before blackness enveloped him and then, he was staring up at a too bright ceiling, the scent of bacta in his nose and absolutely no idea where he was.

***8*8*8**8*8*8***


	12. A random med bay on a random planet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has found forgiveness from his parents, but what about the other people in his life? Especially a tall, hairy walking carpet?  
> And Rey finds out a bit more about Lando's past and his relationship with a space pirate and a princess.

**Chapter 12 – A med bay**

Rey started awake, her whole body tensing as she came to. It was a defense mechanism from her years living on Jakku by herself. Always alert.

She blinked, trying to gain her bearings in this foreign environment. She felt a sting in her right arm and glanced down to see a tube of something clear attached to a needle embedded in her skin. There were leads on her chest that blinked with a soft blue light, their beeps coinciding with a machine off to her left. And she could tell that her torso had been wrapped with something meant to stabilize her core.

She was chagrined to admit that she did actually feel better.

“Rey, you’re awake.”

She glanced up to see Lando sitting in a chair near the door. He rose slowly, leaning on his cane, placing the holopad that he’d been reading on the chair before walking towards her. She was pretty sure this was the first time she’d seen him in what would qualify as casual clothes: no cape, no expensive fabrics. Just simple pants and a long-sleeved shirt.

“Lando.” Rey leaned back against her pillows, feeling her heart rate return to normal as her body registered that there wasn’t a threat. “How long have I been out?”

“Four days, 8 hours and thirty-one minutes.” Lando smirked at her. “Not that anyone has been counting.”

Rey returned the grin and then sighed. “Am I gonna live?”

“Oh, the doctor has assured us you’ll be just fine. Nothing some rest and relaxation won’t take care of. And of course, the bacta patches you’ve got dotted all over your stomach there.”

Placing a hand to her side, Rey felt the bulk and now understood why her entire rib cage was wrapped in bandages.

“I’ve spoken with General Dameron and your friend, Finn. They are exceedingly concerned about you.”

Rey winced. Yeah, she had figured that. “What did you tell them?”

“I let them know that you were safe with Chewie and I onboard the Falcon and that you are currently recovering from your injuries. Your friend, Finn, seemed quite worried, but I managed to convince him that I was telling the truth.”

Frowning, Rey wondered what was going on with Finn. He’d been acting strange since Pasana and it seemed odd that he’d doubt a war hero like Lando. But, she supposed that if someone told her one of her friends was safe, but she couldn’t actually see it for herself, she’d be skeptical as well.

“Ben!” The exclamation surprised her. She couldn’t believe she’d been awake for a few minutes and not even considered what his condition might be. “Ben, how is he? Is he all right? Is he awake?”

“Slow down, little lady,” Lando told her. Normally, she’d feel the need to kick any man in the shins who spoke to her in such a condescending tone, but she knew with Lando, it was actually part of his charm. And dang it if it wasn’t charming.

“Ben is still in his bacta bath. The doctor wants to give him another 24 hours at least before she removes him and then tries to wake him up.”

Rey relaxed at this news. Good, at least he hadn’t awoken alone, wondering where she was or worried that she might have abandoned him. The last thing Rey wanted was for Ben to doubt her concern for him.

“What did you tell the others? About Ben?” While Rey had discussed the fact with Chewie and Lando that keeping Ben’s survival a secret was probably for the best, at least in the short-term, she couldn’t be sure that something hadn’t changed in the past five days she’d been asleep.

Lando eyed her carefully for a moment, before turning and pulling another chair close to her side of the bed. He sat with a heavy sigh, placing his cane down near her feet, before he hunched forward, resting his elbows on the side of the bed. “Rey, I wonder if you’d indulge an old man and let me tell you a story?”

She nodded, shifting slightly to get more comfortable.

“A long, long time ago and about half a galaxy away, I met a little pissant named Han Solo. And not only did he have all the swagger of a crime lord, with nothing to back it up, but he had the audacity to realize that I was cheating at Sabaac and then beat me at my own game. And then he took my most favorite ship as his winnings.”

Rey had always wondered where Han had obtained the Falcon. She had heard a vague rumor that he’d won it, but she thought maybe he’d won it in a flying competition, certainly not by gambling or swindling the man before her.

“I didn’t see Han or Chewie for a while after that. Occasionally, we’d cross paths and give each other a hello, but our relationship wasn’t what I would call friendly.”

“What changed?” Rey asked. She knew that both men had considered the other a very good and loyal friend, so something must have happened.

“Well, we went through some wars together. Not just the “war,” but a few jobs, a few close scrapes, a few questionable interactions with some folks we really shouldn’t have messed with.” A small smile graced the man’s lips, barely visible beneath his mustache. “I’m sure Chewie wouldn’t hesitate to tell you some stories of our more idiotic missions, but by the time it was said and done, I knew that I could rely on Han Solo, no matter what. And he felt the same about me.

“I didn’t see him again for a while. The galaxy went to hell with the rise of the Empire, forcing a lot of people like Han and I underground. I decided I need a respectable cover, so I won a planet in a card game and set myself up as an administrator. Han and Chewie just kept flying around in that old tin can looking for their next adventure.”

“But you helped rescue him? From Jabba’s palace, didn’t you?”

Lando chuckled. “I can’t believe that story made it all the way out to Jakku. Yes, I did. About a year before that whole fiasco, Han, Chewie and Princess Leia found their way to my little slice of the galaxy and needed help. But I betrayed them to Darth Vader. Which is how Han got frozen in carbonite in the first place and Luke lost a hand.”

Rey’s eyes widened. Somehow, no one had ever told her that Lando was a traitor. “How are you here? How could they ever trust you again?”

Sighing, Lando sat back in his chair, staring off at nothing. “That’s a question I’ve asked myself at least once a day since I found them again. I offered my services to get Han away from Jabba and I honestly don’t think Chewie, Leia or Luke cared if I died in the attempt. But we all managed to make it off Tatooine and then, I was a general in the Rebellion’s army and flying the Falcon again. Not only did Han trust me to help him fight the Empire, but he also trusted me with his ship.

“That old pirate had no reason to do any of that. He and Leia should have kicked me to the curb after the incident on Cloud City. And they definitely shouldn’t have vouched for me to the Rebellion’s brass. But they did. They gave me a second, third, fourth, fifth chance. And I can never repay them for that.”

Rey felt the weight of that statement. Now, he literally couldn’t pay them back as both of his oldest friends were dead and gone. But she could also tell that the type of debt Lando was talking about had very little to do with any type of material goods or money. He owed them a debt that went all the way to his soul.

It was similar to the debt Rey owed Ben for saving her life when they faced Snoke. She could never repay him for that.

“When Ben was born,” Lando said softly, drawing her attention. “I almost couldn’t believe that Han was a father. Leia had always been pretty nurturing, so it didn’t surprise me too much that she was good with the baby. But the only thing I’d ever seen Han dote on was his rickety old ship. I figured there wasn’t anything in this galaxy that could supplant the Falcon in his heart.”

“But Ben did,” Rey interjected quietly, giving him a smile as he turned to face her.

“But Ben did,” Lando repeated. “When Han was kicking around after he and Leia had their falling out, once the Resistance was in full swing, we found each other a couple of times. Normally when he needed a safe space to repair the Falcon. Eventually, he told me about Ben, about Kylo Ren. I’d never seen him like that. Not even when he was facing down Darth Vader or Boba Fett did he look as helpless as he did at that moment.”

Lando blinked quickly to rid his eyes of the excess moisture that such a memory brought back. “I promised Han that if there was anything I could do to help Ben, to help him and Leia, I would do it. No questions asked, no hesitation.

“Shortly before Hosnia Prime, I had to go into hiding. The First Order had sent some goons after me, probably hoping I still had a connection to Leia and the Resistance. I didn’t find out about Han’s death until a week or so afterward. And I knew then that it didn’t matter what kind of danger I might be in, I had to make good on that promise I made to Han. So, I started reaching out to a few contacts, and that’s how Leia and Dameron found me on Pasana.”

Rey waited a beat, before she said, “But Lando, surely you know that Ben was the one who killed—”

“I know,” Lando told her, his voice soft, but firm. “But I’ve also known that boy since he was a babe, and I know he can be good. He was as witty as his father and as diplomatic as his mother, even when he was no older than six. There’s more to that boy than Kylo Ren, and I think he deserves a chance to prove that. I think that’s what Han and Leia would want too.”

The lump in Rey’s throat was back. She had to swallow a few times before she managed to croak out, “Thank you, Lando.” She reached across the edge of the bed and squeezed his hand hard. “Thank you so much. I owe you.”

Shaking his head, Lando seemed to shake himself out of his melancholy as well. “Nope, no more owing. We’re going to be all square after this. And you and Ben are going to figure out what’s next and if I can help you, I will.”

Rey felt her eyes well with tears. Never in her life had she known so many people who cared about her well-being. It had started with Finn and then Han. Next had come Chewie and Leia. Even Kylo had cared about her, in his own way. And now, that circle had grown with Rose and Poe and Connix and Lando. Rey wondered how crazy she must be to consider all that had happened over the last year to be a blessing of sorts. Surely, that was just the warped thinking of an orphan child.

“Thank you, Lando. Truly.”

He rose, leaning over to give her a kiss on the forehead and that’s what caused Rey’s tears to fall. Thankfully, the older man ignored them. “Now, you are my guests here. You and Ben are safe here for as long as you need or want. Do you understand?”

She nodded, not trusting herself to speak just yet.

“All right then.” Lando reached for his cane, before pushing the chair back to the wall and turning toward the door. “I’ll let the doctor know you’re awake. I’m sure she’ll be able to give you a more accurate update on Ben’s condition. You hang in there, all right?”

Rey nodded again, and watched him leave. As soon as the door shut behind him, Rey curled onto her side and let her tears fall. She was physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted and even though she’d just spent the better part of a week sleeping, she knew true healing was going to take some time.

***8*8*8**8*8*8***

Ben blinked awake. He inhaled sharply as he took in the odd sight above him. He was in an overly sterile room with too bright lights and a lot of white. And there was the distinct stench of bacta all around him.

As he regained full consciousness the first thing he did was reach for Rey. Their bond was solid once more. With barely a thought he could find her mind, close to his own, but a few rooms away, and he could tell she was sleeping. She was troubled, but in general, she felt at peace. Ben released a quiet sigh of relief.

Now, he started to silently catalog his own injuries. He felt markedly better than he’d felt on Exegol without a doubt. Turning his head slowly to the side, he could see the IV tube that ended in the top of his hand and about a half dozen more machines that were monitoring a variety of his vital signs. While he did feel better, his body still felt heavy, like it wasn’t quite his own yet, it was still too bogged down by drugs and sedative to give him real control. And while that should have terrified him, Ben Solo decided, he was just going to admit that he was injured and he needed to heal.

“You awake?”

Ben jerked his head up and turned to his left, seeing Chewie sitting in a chair against the wall. His body barely fit in the space, but he was still there, doing his best to be comfortable and keep vigil at Ben’s bedside.

“Chewie? What are you--?”

The Wookiee rose as Ben spoke and suddenly anything he wanted to say seemed inconsequential. He hadn’t seen Chewie since Starkiller, and his side still hurt if he bent over too fast.

Chewie was standing over him by now, blocking out most of the light from above. For a panicked second, Ben wondered if he should call for a nurse or a doctor, someone who might stop the Wookiee from trying to kill him for what he’d done to his father. But as soon as he had the thought, he let it go. Whatever punishment Chewie wanted to inflict on Ben for what had happened to Han was well within his right. Ben wouldn’t begrudge him his anger or grief.

Leaning forward, Chewie’s face loomed closer to Ben’s own and he caught sight of Chewie’s eyes. Releasing a breath he didn’t know he’d been holding, Ben felt a wave of relief as Chewie simply wrapped his large arms around Ben’s torso and pulled him into an awkward hug. “I’m glad you’re alive, pup.”

Ben felt tears prick his eyes. “Really?” he asked, his voice muffled by Chewie’s fur. He took a deep whiff, a wave of sense memories washing over him as he remembered that distinct scent from his childhood. From a much simpler time.

Gently, Chewie placed Ben back against his pillows, before kneeling at his bedside. With his height, now he was at least with eye level with Ben. He saw a tear leak down Ben’s cheek and with a gentleness that few people could imagine, he wiped the droplet from Ben’s skin with the pad of one finger.

“Of course, Benjamin. You were my pup once too, you know?”

Ben laughed a little, even as the action caused his chest to seize and a pain to shoot through him.

“Are you okay?” Chewie asked, glancing to the door, obviously wondering if he should get someone.

“I’m okay, Chewie.” Ben’s hand flopped about little until he connected with Chewie’s and then he gave that giant paw a squeeze. “I’ll be okay.”

The Wookiee’s blue eyes regarded him for a few moments, and then he gave a slight nod. He didn’t shy away from contact with Ben, but instead placed his other paw on top of his hand. 

Silence filled the room, and the longer it persisted the more agitated Ben became. Finally, he blurted, “I’m sorry, Chewie. I’m so sorry.”

More tears fell as his emotions finally surfaced after months of repression. He knew his body couldn’t really handle convulsive sobs at the moment, but it appeared that his emotions were no longer playing by any rules.

As his sobs came in huge gulps, he flinched from spikes of pain throughout various parts of his body. Uncomfortable with seeing Ben in such pain, Chewie eventually sat on the side of the bed and pulled Ben up into a seating position, keeping his arms around back. It made it easier for Ben to breathe and Chewie’s embrace was far more solid than even his hospital bed.

He heard a door open and mumbled voice and then heard Chewie say something before they were alone once more.

“It was the doctor. I asked her to come back in a few moments,” the Wookiee explained.

Ben nodded, doing his best to get his breathing under control. He was dragging in ragged breaths as his emotions settled. Feeling exhausted, he laid his head against Chewie’s shoulder and let out a heavy sigh.

“Why are you even here right now?” he asked softly, simultaneously afraid and desperate to hear the answer.

“Rey called us, Lando and I. When you were on Exegol. We came and got you, brought you here so you could get well.”

Ben wasn’t sure if Chewie was being purposely obtuse or if he just being literal. Wookiee thinking was known to err on the side of the literal, so it was hard to tell.

“Chewie. You know that’s not what I mean,” Ben admonished softly.

This time, Chewie sighed, Ben’s entire head rising and falling with the motion. Gently, Chewie extricated himself from Ben, taking a moment to rearrange his pillows so that when he placed Ben down again, he was at more of incline. Ben had to admit it was much more comfortable.

“I know what you mean, pup.” The Wookiee studied him carefully for a moment, resuming his position kneeling beside the bed, so that he and Ben could see more easily eye-to-eye. “Your dad and I, we were together for a long time. He saved me.”

This was a story Ben knew well. When Chewie used to babysit, he had begged the Wookiee to recount the tale. He especially loved the way the Wookiee described his father covered in mud, so all that was visible was his face. And the way Chewie would laugh when he would tell Ben he even threatened to eat his father. He’d also speak in a hushed tone when he spoke of how shocked he’d been when Han had spoken to him in – very bad – Shyriiwook. As he’d grown older, Ben was fairly certain his father’s penchant for languages was what had really saved him that day.

“And I promised him, and then I promised the princess, and then I promised you, that I would protect you with my life,” Chewie continued softly. “That hasn’t changed.”

Ben rolled his eyes, for the first time feeling a little more like himself. “Chewie, I killed him.”

“Pup, do you remember when you were little and I would babysit?”

Ben nodded.

“And do you remember when you would wake up from those terrifying dreams?” Ben swallowed and nodded again.

“You begged me to help you. Begged me to make the nasty, mean man go away, and I couldn’t.” With a harrumph that ruffled the hair around Ben’s face, Chewie took a moment and then said, “I couldn’t protect you and I couldn’t make your father understand.”

Ben felt his eyes watering again. “Chewie, it wasn’t your fault.”

The big Wookiee shrugged. “Maybe, maybe not. But I promised to protect you and I couldn’t. And even after you got lost, I still wanted to protect you. Because all your father wanted was for you to come home. And that’s what I wanted too.”

Ben felt the weight of Chewie’s grief and his regret. It threatened to push all the air out of his lungs. Taking a deep breath, he said, “I don’t deserve your protection. Or your forgiveness.”

Chewie actually graced him with a smile then. While a Wookiee smile might send most people running in fright, it was an expression as familiar to Ben as frowning. “You have both.”

Shaking his head slightly, Ben felt more tears fall, but he let them come. Chewie did as well, simply taking a hold of Ben’s hand and keeping it within his own. They sat that way, not talking, simply being, for untold moments. Once his tears had finally run dry, Chewie gave Ben’s hair a good ruffle, scattering it every which way. That was a relic of his childhood as well.

“Besides, I have taken the girl under my protection as well,” Chewie finally told him, as he rose and headed for the door. “Where she goes, I go. And I have a feeling the two of you will be traveling the same path for quite some time.” 

Ben felt his cheeks’ grow warm with the implication, but he didn’t bother denying it. Chewie had proven far more insightful than Ben had ever given him credit for.

“How is Rey?” Ben finally asked.

Chewie paused and said, “Better now. The doctor treated her injuries, got her on some medicine and nutrients, like you. She’s been awake on and off for the past few days.”

Ben’s heart felt lighter at this knowledge. He was beyond grateful to know Rey was all right. He was so relieved to learn that his sacrifice to bring her back hadn’t been for nothing.

“Do you want me to send her to you?” Chewie asked.

Shaking his head quickly, Ben’s eyes widened as he shouted, “No!” Hearing the panic in his voice he tried to rein in his emotions. “I mean, I’m sure she’ll visit when she’s ready. When she wants to.”

Chewie smiled again, but this time it was a knowing smirk, more reminiscent of his father. Ben blushed, before dropping his eyes to his lap, hoping the Wookiee would just leave it alone.

But of course, he wouldn’t.

“Silly pups,” he breathed out, almost inaudible before he left the room, and Ben found himself alone with his thoughts for the first time in a while.

***8*8*8**8*8*8***

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hello all! Thanks again for all of your kudos and reviews and for reading! I just wanted to quickly pop in and let you know that this is the penultimate chapter. We will be wrapping it all up in Chapter 13. There is still one more conversation that needs to happen.
> 
> Also, the Lando monologue in this chapter appeared very unexpectedly. I never loved Lando as a character precisely because of his betrayal in Empire, but as I wrote his version of events, I realized to Lando that Han and Leia's forgiveness said a lot more about them that it did about him. I hope you enjoy my take on things! 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	13. The same medbay, Ben's room

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our two healing Force users finally get a chance to talk it out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This is it – the last chapter! I want to thank everyone who left a review or followed this story. It means a lot to me. Getting back into my writing is one of my goals for 2021, and the response to this story has definitely helped. So, thank you!  
> Also, as a warning, this last chapter is achingly sweet. Like, super-floofy. If that’s not your thing, you might want to move along, but I’m suspecting that all of you Reylo shippers are waiting for something like this! Thanks again and MTFBWY!

**Chapter 13 – The same med bay, Ben’s room**

Ben was drifting in and out of sleep when he next heard the door to his room open. Still too groggy to be really alert, he slowly opened his eyes and felt his breath catch in his throat. Silhouetted in the doorway, light from the hallway shining behind her, was Rey. She was wearing hospital-issued pajamas, like he was, and her hair was unkempt, hanging down around her shoulders. But she was smiling and it was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

“Rey,” he breathed.

She paused with her hand still on the door, looking uncertain. “Is it all right if I come in?”

He nodded, doing his best to shift himself into more of a sitting position. “Of course.”

She entered then and came to stand by his side. He met her curious gaze, watching as her eyes intently studied him, flitting over his face and down his body before returning back to meet his gaze. She blushed then, a delightful pink color flushing her cheeks and Ben couldn’t help but grin. “Sit down,” he said softly, patting the bed beside him. “Please.”

Gingerly, Rey took a seat, using just the smallest sliver of the bed to perch herself on. She still looked uncomfortable, as though a wrong move or a loud noise might send her scurrying from the room. Tentatively, Ben reached out for their bond and felt a very strong, very impenetrable wall meet him from Rey’s side. Hmm, that was new.

“How are you feeling?” he finally asked. He had done his own quick perusal of her injuries and while she appeared to be better, he could tell that some of her hesitant movement was due to lingering aches and pains.

“Much better, thank you.” Subconsciously, she placed a hand on her side, drawing Ben’s attention there. He could barely make out some type of bulk through her shirt. “Still waiting for my ribs to fully heal, but otherwise, the doctor assures me I’m fine. Although still dehydrated apparently. I’ve never had to pee so much in my life,” she lamented and Ben couldn’t help but let out a short bark of a laugh.

Her eyes flew to his. As soon as she saw the mirth in his expression, she couldn’t help smiling as well.

“How are you?” she finally asked, taking a moment to once again closely study his face.

Ben shrugged slightly. “I’ll be fine. Nothing a week in a bacta tank couldn’t cure, apparently.”

Surprising him, she took his hand in one swift motion. Holding on tight, she drew it up to her chest and pressed it against her breastbone. He could faintly feel her heartbeat pulsing against his palm. “You almost died, Ben. I thought you … I thought you might have sacrificed yourself for me.”

Her plaintive expression cut to the core of him. “It would have been a worthy sacrifice,” he assured her.

“I don’t want us dying for each other,” she said softly, a tear streaking down her cheek as she lowered her head and brushed her lips against his knuckles. “I don’t … I don’t know what I would have done if …”

She broke off on a strangled sob as her emotions appeared to finally overwhelm her. Doing his best to sit up, Ben reached for her with his free hand, cradling her cheek in his palm. She nuzzled her nose into his skin and he almost whimpered at the feeling. How was it possible to feel so much for one person? His body felt as if it might burst from the effort to contain everything he was feeling in this moment.

“Hey, hey,” he cooed, wiping away a few tears. “It’s okay. We both made it. We’re both still here.”

She nodded once, but it didn’t stop her tears. Shifting again, Ben managed to get just a bit closer and this time, he encircled Rey’s shoulders with his arm, drawing her closer to him. She pressed her forehead against his shoulder, letting out shuddering breaths as she worked to get her emotions under control.

Ben pressed his face into her hair, placing a kiss there. He would do anything to take Rey’s pain away, whether it was physical, mental, spiritual or emotional. But he also knew that sometimes healing simply came with time and patience.

He never would have thought he’d be capable of the latter, but now that he’d been given an overabundance of the former, maybe he could figure out how to just breathe and be.

Ben waited until Rey’s crying had quieted, before he slowly pulled back to meet her gaze. Even with red-rimmed eyes and a snotty nose, she was still the prettiest girl he’d ever met.

“Better?” he asked, taking the end of his sleeve and wiping it gently along her cheeks. 

She nodded sheepishly. “I came here to see how you were doing, not to have a total breakdown.”

“Considering everything that’s happened, I think maybe we can just take things as they come, huh?”

She smiled softly and then nodded. An uncomfortable silence once again filled the room, and Ben had no idea how to break it. How was he supposed to ask the girl he loved if she loved him back? While he may be inexperienced in relationships, even his rudimentary interpersonal skills told him now was not the time to confess his undying love. There were still too many variables on the table – and still too much to process.

“Lando said we can stay as long as we need,” she finally said. His eyes flew back to her face trying to interpret her feelings on the idea. Did she want to be stuck here with him, wherever here was? Or was she simply waiting until she was well enough before returning back to the Resistance. “He promised me we’d be safe.”

“You can trust him,” Ben assured. Sitting up slightly, he winced at the pain in his back and Rey must have caught the expression.

She rose swiftly, stepping away from the bed as he readjusted his body against his pillows. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be bothering you. You still have so much healing to do. You need to rest.”

Without a second glance, she all but ran for the door. Ben was barely able to get out, “Rey, wait!” before her hand was on the knob. His request did stop her, thank the maker, and he took a deep breath as he considered what he could possibly say to make her stay. After a minute, he decided on the truth. “Please don’t go.”

He watched as her shoulders rose and fell with a deep inhale and exhale, watched as she straightened and slowly took one step and then two away from the door, before turning back to face him. The silent plea in her gaze made his heart hurt. “I don’t know what to do,” she whispered.

Taking a deep breath, Ben waited a beat and then said, “What do you want to do?”

Shifting on her feet, she started to fidget, her fingers twisting the hem on her nightshirt. She looked everywhere in the room, but at him and he tried one more time to bridge their bond through the Force. Once more, he was stymied by a formidable wall. At last, she bit her lip, lowered her eyes to the floor and said quietly, “I want to stay.”

Ben released a heavy breath, grateful beyond belief that it was her inclination to stay with him and not run. Sitting up once more and readjusting his pillows, Ben reached out a hand to her and offered, “Then please stay. That’s what I want too.”

Nodding once, Rey approached the side of the bed again and took his hand, squeezing it softly. And then she surprised him completely. She toed off her shoes and climbed up onto the mattress with him, fitting her body along his side, nestling her head under his chin. His arm naturally fell to her shoulder and he drew little circles into her skin as she got situated.

“Is this okay? I’m not hurting you, am I?” While he knew she would move if he told her yes, the last thing Ben wanted was more awkward space between him and Rey.

Shaking his head, Ben pressed a kiss to her forehead and said, “This is the best I’ve felt since I woke up.”

He thought he felt her smile against his chest as she sank further into his side and got more comfortable. With her warm weight beside him, and her arm draped gently across his abdomen Ben was certain he was experiencing some type of euphoria. He’d never been close to anyone like this. Not since he was a boy had he been held, and there was very little need or want for intimacy within the First Order. He almost laughed aloud at the thought of giving Hux a hug.

But in this moment, he felt peace. Rey was safe, breathing steadily against his side, and his body was on the mend. All of the other complications could wait. He was going to enjoy this, for however long it lasted.

Ben was tempted to drift off, but he knew that if he didn’t at least address the dyad with Rey than it would just be harder to try later. Speaking softly so as not to scare her, he asked, “Rey?”

“Hmm?” It almost sounded as if she was asleep, but he could feel the tension throughout her body. She wasn’t as relaxed as she seemed.

“Why have you closed off the bond?”

He felt her start, and Ben squeezed her shoulder, encouraging her to stay with him and not run as she had attempted to do before. “I’m not upset. I just want to know why. You know that we can’t hide from it forever.”

She sighed heavily and then gave a slight nod. “I know.”

More silence, and Ben did his best to wait her out. He knew Rey would talk to him, he just had to be patient. There was that word again. It felt like a cosmic joke that he, the son of Leia Organa and Han Solo was being forced to exercise patience.

“I …” She tried to start and then paused, obviously still puzzling out what to say. “I closed it off because I’m confused and scared and sad and happy and anxious and shy and I just didn’t want to be projecting all of that to you through the bond. My head is a mess right now.”

Ben snorted softly. “Join the club, sweetheart.”

“I’m serious,” she told him, and this time she did lift her head to meet his gaze. He could see the truth there, the way every emotion she felt flitted through her eyes and across her face. She had the most expressive face of anyone he’d ever met, he was pretty sure. “I don’t know how to process any of what’s happened and I didn’t want all of my confusion and fear to impact you.”

Smiling softly, Ben lifted his free hand and pushed an errant strand of hair behind her ear, taking a moment to let his touch linger against her skin. She closed her eyes at the touch and then just as quickly opened them again, as if she was embarrassed to react that way.

“Rey, I realize this might be hard for you to believe since I am such a paragon of stability and so unbelievably well-adjusted,” he said grandly, waiting for her to smile so he’d know she was in on the joke. After she grinned, he continued. “But I’m feeling everything you are too. And I don’t have any idea how to make sense of it.

“But maybe our connection, the dyad might help. It’s been a strength up until now, I don’t know why that would change.”

She searched his eyes for something and he hoped to the Force she found it. He watched as she processed his words, watched as she reflected on them in silence, and then watched as she slowly lowered her head back to his chest. “Okay.”

In a rush, their bond was alive again, awash in all the emotions they had just discussed, and Ben felt Rey’s uncertainty joining his own, felt how confused she was as her mind cycled through the events of the past month over and over again. He inhaled sharply, as he caught a glimpse of himself inside her mind, standing beside her in front of Palpatine. In Rey’s mind, he looked strong and solid, like he could take on any challenge and defeat it. He felt Rey’s joy at the sight of the two of them working together, allowing their Force energy to flow freely, and how it suffused them with peace and happiness, even as Palpatine threw them about like rag dolls. Everything was just a little bit better when they were together. Ben could see that clearly.

And he felt the same. He took a moment to reflect on how Rey had seemed when he’d found her in that chamber, standing proud and strong against the grotesque husk of the Emperor. How radiant she had appeared as she and Ben faced the monster head-on. It had been astounding and left him as breathless now as it had then.

Sitting up again, Rey breathed, “Is that really how you see me?”

Swallowing thickly, Ben figured that if he wanted Rey to trust him and allow their bond to work, then he had to do the same. “Yes. Strong and courageous and capable.” He traced a finger along the skin of her arm, watching as it traveled up over her shoulder and neck and finally came to circle the shell of her ear before his hand cupped the back of her neck, his fingers working their way into her hair and rubbing gently at her scalp. “And so beautiful.”

He watched Rey closely the whole time, wanting to make sure he wasn’t making her uncomfortable. He watched as goosebumps raised along her skin and heard as she released a shuddering sigh once his hand came to rest against her. Her eyes were closed as she seemed to sink into the feeling of him touching her, enjoying the slight movement of his fingers as they gently massaged her scalp. If this was how she reacted to his touch, he would never stop wanting to touch her.

“I wanted to give up,” she said softly, her eyes still closed, chin tilted down. “I almost had given up. I didn’t think there was any way I could go against Palpatine’s power. He was so strong.”

Releasing a sigh, she opened her eyes, liquid pools of hazel and gold regarding him with innocence and honesty. “But then, you came for me. And I knew together we could do it. I knew we would find a way.”

Shaking his head slowly, Ben gave her a small smile. “I hate to break it to you, sweetheart, but all I did was get pitched off the edge of a cliff.” She smiled back. “You are the one who did it, Rey. You saved me, you saved us all.”

With a swift shake of her head, Rey sat up straighter, dislodging Ben’s hand from her hair. He let it fall to his lap, watching closely as she struggled with what to say next. “I don’t want to be anyone’s savior,” she admitted in a harsh whisper.

Frowning, Ben placed his hand over hers and asked, “Why?”

“It’s too much. I’m an orphaned girl from Jakku with a monster of a biological grandfather and the weight of the entire galaxy resting on me. I’m not strong enough to handle all of that. How could anyone?”

Ben could feel how frantic she was becoming. He could almost see her nerves fraying, as she struggled to comprehend everything that had happened. Less than a year ago, she was a scavenger on Jakku, fighting to survive. Now, she was The Last Jedi.

“I know a little something about expectations and monstrous familial connections,” Ben told her, grateful when he managed to elicit a small smile. “But, I’m going to remind you of something right now and I want you to hear me, really hear me.”

He took her gently, by the shoulders, waiting until she lifted her head to meet his gaze once more. “What?” she asked.

“You’re not alone.”

A hiccup of a sob escaped her before she had the chance to stop it. Placing her hand against his cheek, she told him with tears in her eyes, “Neither are you.”

He felt his own eyes welling with tears as he watched her struggle to get her emotions under control. “Then something tells me, we’re going to be okay.”

She nodded once before moving swiftly and throwing her arms around his shoulders. He returned her embrace, helping to adjust her so she was in a more comfortable position, her legs draped across his lap, as he cradled her trembling body against his, one hand cupping the back of her head, the other tight around her back.

It could have been minutes or hours that they stayed like that. Eventually, Rey’s tears were all dried up, as were Ben’s and she again nestled herself against his chest, her forehead resting under his chin as she traced patterns over his chest with the lightest of touches. It drove him crazy and soothed him all at the same time.

“What happens next?” she finally asked, her voice barely above a whisper.

Ben shrugged gently. “Whatever we want.”

Lifting her eyes to his, she swallowed thickly and then said, “I want to stay with you. I don’t exactly know what is happening between us. I’ve never been this close to anyone before, but …” Her cheeks flushed as she seemed to lose her nerve. He watched as her nervous habit of fiddling with the hem of her shirt returned with a vengeance.

“But what?” he asked quietly, holding his own breath at what she might say. Was it at all possible he really was going to get a second chance and that Rey would be a part of it? Was it possible that his parents had actually been right?

Taking a deep breath, she seemed to steal herself and then once again lifted her eyes to his. “But I think I love you. I think that’s what this is and I don’t want to be anywhere you aren’t.”

Ben inhaled sharply and before his could even register his actions, he leaned forward and placed his lips against Rey’s, kissing her and doing his best to convey his own feelings. She seemed startled at first and he was about to pull away, realizing he had pretty much just attacked her, but then her hands were cupping his cheeks and redirecting his mouth to slant over hers just so, and there. They fit.

It was a heady few moments of lips and tongue and teeth and tiny gasps of pleasure that left Ben feeling as though he had somehow left his body behind to float above it all and watch this glorious moment between he and Rey from afar. But then he’d feel her fingers thread through his hair, feel just the slightest bite of her teeth against his lip, inhale her scent and he knew he was very much grounded in the moment.

Finally, they pulled back, both gasping for air, lips swollen and shiny from kissing. Ben was grateful to see a similarly dazed expression on Rey’s face. He was having a hard time stringing two thoughts together at the moment.

Rey studied him closely, obviously looking for something. Scrambling, Ben finally blurted out, “You’re it for me, Rey. I know that. As assuredly as I know that my name is Ben Solo or that Chewie smells like a wet dog after a rainstorm or that the Falcon’s environmental controls will blow once the ship has been in hyperspace for 63 minutes—”

“Not anymore,” she interjected, allowing a smile to cross her face. “I fixed it.”

“Of course, you did,” he said quietly, feeling the stupidest and widest grin he’d ever sported almost split his face in two. “Whatever comes next, we’re going to figure out together. Okay?”

She studied him closely once more, but unlike a few minutes ago, her expression was bright and open. With wide eyes and a smile, she leaned forward and kissed him gently, before resuming her comfortable position, nestled against the top of his chest. “Okay,” she said on a sigh.

Closing his eyes, Ben exhaled slowly and felt the same peace from moments before wash over him. He felt something similar from Rey’s side of the bond and thought that maybe now, for the first time in his life, he might finally have found a worthy cause to devote his time and attention to.

Loving Rey.


End file.
